It hurts. It hurts so bad. Why has God let this happen to me? Why can't I just die yet? I have stomach cancer, stage two. They say I'm going to get better, but I know they're just bullshitting me. The doctors do that all the time. They'll tell you have so long to live, but you, most of the time, live way past that or die before that. They say I have a year and a half left. I've tried to take my own life before, but they always seem to catch and save me. That's their thing here at the hospital: Catch and Save. I have few friends here. All my friends I had before this stupid cancer haven't even come to visit me, except this one boy. His name is Lance. When I went to school, before shitty times, you could say I was in the "popular" crowd. He was one of my best friends. He was the only friend who would really listen to me, even if it was super lame or stupid. He really got me. He tries to visit almost every day, except when he has football which is most days. He visits after football practices, but when he has games he usually doesn't visit. His visits usually last anything between twenty minutes to all night. He brings me food, which he probably shouldn't because of all the germs and shit, but, it's the thought that counts, right? We talk about anything and everything. He listens to me complain about life in the hospital, and I listen to him tell me about life outside the hospital. I can't help to be a bit jealous of him. While he has a mostly normal life, I have to do chemo, therapy, and other shit they make me do here. He gets to go on dates and have fun. I don't mind though because he's happy. If it sounds like I have a tiny crush on him, it's probably because I do. He's been with me through thick and thin. I'm pretty sure he's been there for me more than my own family. My family consists of parents who love alcohol and drugs more than their children, my mother died because of the drugs, 2 twin brothers, and 1 older sister. My brothers are 14, I'm 17, and my sister is 22. Our sister basically raised us, but now she's married with 2 children. My brothers rarely come see me, unless it's to show me their new girls. It's quite annoying. My sister visits me every once and a while with her kids. Her husband doesn't exactly like me so he doesn't come with. That boy, Lance, is the only one that visits me almost every day. I miss him. I'm currently in this group thing. There are six people: Carl, Craig, Jessica, Laura, Mike and myself, Jaymi. This is where we're supposed to tell a random person how we feel because it "helps us". I personally don't say anything because I don't think it helps at all, and it's completely pointless. When we die they'll grieve for a bit, but then they'll move on to another person. The only person I tell everything to, and actually cares, is Lance. Speaking of, he should be coming anytime. His practices usually end the same time group does. The group ends and I walk back in my room. When I walk in I see him. I smile widely and walk up to him. What he tells me then and there is what makes me stop and lose the smile. "Hey. I have to tell you something. We can't see each other anymore."
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Then There Was One
RomanceJaymi has cancer and Lance is his "boyfriend". What happens when something bad happens and one of them goes off the deep end?