Dear Crypt Owners Association

Most Respected Crypt Owners Association,

I'm writing to voice my hearty approval of admitting other monsters into our esteemed ranks. Too long we have let dust accumulate on our timeless eyes and not seen the advantages of admitting other residents.

For example, imagine the benefits to the community's Stake Breakers baseball team. Last year, after trying since I formed the team a full century ago, my superb captaining finally got us to the Community Crypt Regionals. We got scorched in the first round because the other team had a mixture of monster players simply because they were not opposed to sharing their space. Were you aware that we are the last Nosferatu-exclusive community?

Our current catcher is afraid of the ball after Count Dugo hit him with a curve ball last year. Since zombies don't feel pain, inviting one to our humble enclosure would support the team. They don't need pads either, which would leave money leftover for a new Captain's uniform perhaps. With zombies being acceleration-challenged, the position of catcher means the lucky walking undead would not have to run for the ball and another team member could run bases for them when they must, alas, go up to bat. However, as we usually don't get more than three or four players to bat before striking out, in all likelihood our undead teammate wouldn't have to worry about running bases at all.

Also, we have quite a hole in the team since our outfielders were all caught by those dratted Hunters last year (might I add here my previous letter of protest about the increase in Hunter activity resulting in the loss of vampire life and what is being done to hunt the Hunters has not been answered). Not one Child of the Night has volunteered to come forward and replace those outfielders. Perhaps it has to do with the whispers some ungrateful vampires have been circulating that our team is a bunch of losers because we keep getting slaughtered, no pun intended. A few werewolves would nicely fill that hole as they are excellent runners and jumpers.

Since flying is not permitted in the Crypt Baseball League, I would urge you only admit witches and wizards who are willing to run bases and not use their broomsticks.

In fact, I would be happy to hold baseball tryouts for any monster who applies to our Housing Association so that we admit only those who would be suitable as players on the most venerated team of our coven, my baseball team.

I have attached a tryout schedule to this letter for your convenience since I trust you will see the wisdom in my suggestions and want the same honour as me of bringing home the Crypt Baseball League pennant.

Your most humble member,

Count Lemmewin

Word Count: 461