Addicted To You (TO BE PUBLISHED)

23

I lay in bed the next morning, writing all my thoughts. Usually, it helps me, when I am drafting a story. This time my thoughts were about guilt. I couldn't stop to wonder how I grew up with innocence that grew into guilt and shame. Am I unworthy of such love? To be able to be loved physically and mentally? Maybe this is what I deserve. 

But how slow is too slow?

"Amelia. Pass me my undergarment." Nolan calls out through the bathroom door, taking me out of my thoughts. We are trying to get ready to go watch a movie, and since we don't shower together, he went in after me.

I picked out a white romper with brown sandals, and my hair is up in a ponytail again. Nolan was partially the reason why my hair is always up. He likes it this way, and I always find myself wanting to look good for him, but at times I find it useless. So Looking at myself through the mirror, I could not help to think what Chase would think of me if he were looking at me now. He would love my hair down so he can play with it while he's behind me doing what he pleases.

Ugh! Why am thinking like this? My conscious speaks.

I grab Nolans' boxers from the bed and walk up to the door. "Why don't you just come out here and get it?" I ask, trying to be frisky. I have been in the mood ever since he got here last night.

"Because I'm naked." He cracks the door open. "Do you have it?"

I hold it up and back up from the door. "Yeah, I have it. You need to come out here and get it through." I want to be able to see him.

It is not usual for me to do this, but he is my boyfriend we should be able to do stuff like this. I want to have fun with him.

"Just hand it over." He puts his arms through the crack.

It sounds like he was irritated by it, so I just left it alone. I sigh while walking closer to the door to hand it back to him. "Thank you." He snatches it and closes the door.

"You're no fun," I mumble under my breath. I wish he wasn't like this.

I wish Nolan were the same when we first started going out. The end of freshmen year was when we got together. We were nothing but just little innocent kids who were raised in wealthy, strict homes.

Eventually, we grew and Junior year came up. That is when I started to go through temptations whenever I would see Nolan, I would want him so badly at times or would just want to make out, and he would always turn me down.

I was ok with it because I know he wants to wait for marriage, and I agreed. Senior year was when I realized that him denying me was not normal. I did not understand it then and still don't. Many times, I questioned if I was the problem and many times, I thought that he was cheating.

The first time I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he flipped out at and then got emotional. I felt bad for accusing him of it, but I just needed to know.

His phone beeps on the nightstand interrupting my thoughts. I walk up seeing Ellie's name pop up on the phone, she has texted him. I am not sure why I unlocked his phone, but I am glad I did. "Fill me in, did you tell her yet?" Her text brings me confusion.

Why would Ellie text him?

Before I could open their conversation, Nolan comes out of the bathroom while drying his hair with the towel. I show him the phone and tilt my head. "Ellie texted you. Tell me what." I hand him his phone.

He grabs the phone from me and tucks it in his back pocket. "To tell you that she's here."

I am still not sure how I am supposed to feel about that. Happy because my best friend is back or livid because Claudia and Nolan did not tell me right away.