A hot true story featuring Ralph Joseph HernandezHernandez

Hoes dad

I was only only nine years old when I had my first encounter with Papi Joe, he made me say the exact delicate words, "Joey is love, Joey is LIFE."

It's my first day of fifth grade at "homophobic elementary," My school does not like the gays even though I'm one of them. No one knows my secret except for the weird old man sliding into my Instagram DMs. If anyone were to find out, I would be expelled from school and disowned by my parents. I currently have no friends because I'm socially awkward and afraid that I'm going to seem gay around people. I can't let anyone know my secret, NOBODY. I'm a decent student but I'm not quite the overachiever that my parents want me to be like my older brother named Twatter Bobby Tim. I am a true failure.
As I came home from school, I see a note on my front step that says, "Join the fun time arcade, it will truly frik your chicken strips!" It had a picture of an obese man with a raggy, old T-shirt, I thought he was the most gorgeous man alive. I started to cream my pants just looking at him, he had the face and body of a Greek god. I dial the arcade number in my flip phone and hope that someone will answer. I waited for about 30 seconds until I hear a godly voice saying, "HEY WHAT'S UP YOU GUYS IT'S JOEY JOEY FROM JOEYS SUPER COOL FOOD REVIEWS, IIIMMM BIIIEEECCCKKK!!!!" I had a full on orgy when I heard the sound of this holy creature. He told me that I needed to give him my email, social security number, and address to join the arcade... I obviously gave it to him because I'm a baddie. He said, "LETS CHECK THIS OUT!!" and he hung up.
It's the next day and I couldn't get that shrexy beast off my mind. I got out of bed to go to my shit show of a school and bring my backpack which says "onion gang" on the back. As I head out the door I look back and see my parents flip me off, I keep walking. As I get to the school I see this big, blue van pull up next to me. The liscence plate says "Tabitha" on it. The driver of the blue van rolls down their window and says, "WeEwEeWeEwEoOoO!" I'm in utter shock and notice that it's the same person on the arcade card. I drop my lunch box, shooketh to the core. The large man says, "please don't call the cops on me muchacho!" I nodded and waited for another word to come out of his big, beautiful mouth. He told me to get into the van and I do exactly what he says without hesitation.