Falling The Right Way

Her

At this point in my life I had no more faith in myself let alone confidence. I had my fair share of crushes that I knew not to go for or flings that were unhealthy and didn't help with my mental. I was and still am immature but I'm working to end that. People look at my age and not at my success and where I am despite my age. People challenged my patience, my kindness, and my dependability. I was in a silent and painful rage that I kept to myself. No one saw how I could be and how bad my anger gets. That night, though, I took a risk even though I'm the definition of shy and an example of a nervous wreck. I called my friend up to me during a football game and asked her to put me on. We exchanged words that my bad memory can't recall. All I can recall was the girl she pointed to below us. I looked for a minute and smiled to myself. I don't know what was with me. Maybe I could see that that girl was a special type of special? Maybe I knew that she wouldn't waste my time? I couldn't even see her face but I could feel her vibe and I liked it. My friend went back down to tell her friend about me and I watched for a while for a reaction before I looked away, embarrassed that I was staring. I thought that'd I'd make an appearance so she could see me. To this day, I don't know if she looked up at me before I took this walk down the stairs. I put my hood on my head and stood up, thinking I looked cool and started to walk down the stairs slowly. I had my hands in my pockets and tilted my head the slightest to the right to see if she looked at me. I smirked at myself, still thinking I looked cool until I got to the metal stairs. See, cockiness is a downfall...and it was literally mine. I missed a step on the stairs and fell a little catching my upper body on the bar. I cursed at myself and walked quickly back down the last two and to the girls bathroom. Fortunately, no one was in there and I looked in the mirror and just said, "Fuck she probably laughed at you." I went back but took a different set of stairs and took my seat quietly and turned my attention to the game. I was still embarrassed and didn't want to talk to anyone. I felt left out and kept quiet not talking to anyone. I don't talk if the conversation isn't interesting or I can't hop in and talk. I really couldn't with these kids...I was alone mentally AGAIN despite being surrounded by friends and friends that I see as family. Until she came to me with my friend that is.

                                                         To Be Continued...