En Silencio [ BeaDdie ]

The Void in Quiet Nights

While most of the residents are locked inside the four corners of what seems to be the safest place for them, of the respective homes they own, listening to radio or watching news of felony at night, Maddie has found her solace through random streets she marked soft and obscure footsteps with.

The menace or every single ounce of risk as they say, waiting for her on the other side of the road; it is not what scares her. The physical abuse she might experience as she paved the way to anything that can happen to her is definitely not what she's afraid of.

She isn't frightened of what is to be unfold in this small journey of hers every night when all else is just calm and at peace. She is not scared of dying.

Because now, the word everyone tries to run from, yet no one has been successful on doing so, is what best describes her.

Dead.

Maddie stopped walking. A small smile was flashed, the muscles on her face somehow find ways to synchronize with the tingles in her stomach because again, she is here.

She walked near the cliff, welcoming the wind's embrace and not even once did she felt shivers inside. Instead, it is nothing but warmth. With eyes staring straight on emptiness, she moved a bit closer to the end. Confident enough to not lose her balance and fall, she stood there as darkness completely envelopes the place.

While slowly closing her eyes, she waited. Like what she usually does: to wait and she just knew, nothing can ever make her be tired of it.

Ten minutes after, a woman stood beside her. She has her hands clasped on her back, something only she loves to do because standing without doing anything is weird and awkward, she says. The silence surrounding Maddie solely earlier, has now enfolds the two of them. And yet no one dared to speak.

No one. Again.

Maddie kept her eyes close to stop tears threatening to fall. But to no avail, drops have escaped her lids and finally fell down her cheeks.

"Bea, bakit?" She whispered, voice trembling. The girl beside her which we can see as someone so enticing, combing her quite long fingers through the hair falling just below her shoulders, like what she's known for, heaved a sigh. It was only a breath, Maddie knows. But that breath is heavy; it carries too much emotions no one dared to tell. Too much feelings no one dared to share.

Too much love that Bea never found courage to admit when she still can.

"But I have shown it, Maddie. Even in silence... That's for sure."

The girl with eyes closed, crying silently, bit her lower lip. She wanted to be mad, she wanted to blame her. But a part of her can't. Because she, herself, knows that she have felt it but acted clueless the whole time.

Though she sometimes wonder, is it wrong to ask for a love to be certain? To demand words more than just actions that can be clearly misunderstood?

"Bea, bestfriend kita eh. Batchmate kita. How could you expect me to know na lahat ng pinapakita mo sa akin ay hindi pang-kaibigan lang?"

The other bowed her head before letting out a faint chuckle, "Maybe naniwala lang ako na if two people love each other in the same way, magcoconnect sila kahit walang salita. I thought we're something else, Mads. I thought I wasn't just your bestfriend. Pero iba pala 'yung akala mo. At sinampal mo lang ako ng reality when you chose to say yes to Zolo on our championship day."

"Bea..."

"No, it's fine. Mali ko rin naman. Kasi to be really honest, I got scared. Natakot din ako na if I admit my feelings through words, hindi pala tayo parehas ng nararamdaman. Na ganyan. Na I'll be slapped with the fact na bestfriend mo lang ako and that's all I will ever be para sayo."

Maddie took all the courage to face the woman standing beside her for half an hour, and there she saw the same Bea she love. She was staring at the same deep set eyes that gets so small when she smiles. She was in front of the same soft lips that automatically flashes a toothy grin whenever she's happy. The same ones that often lands on her cheeks at the most unplanned moments, which caused rummage between the hundreds of butterflies inside her stomach.

The same eyes that she wanted to look at her as if she's the only one it sees.

The same lips that she wanted to kiss, and tell her how much she love her because that is what it was supposed to do.

But the same ones that never did. And will never have the chance to, no matter how many 11:11 will she wait to come, no matter how many wish flower will she blow for that one time to hear Bea say what she really feels for her.

Maddie will never be aware of how many times Bea tried, but failed. She will never be aware of how many times the latter wanted to look at her with all the love she's got for her, but her eyes showed otherwise because she saw how Maddie is happy with their friendship. She will never be aware of how many times she wanted to grab her and never let her go. To stop her from letting Zolo court her. To tell her she loves her more than anything and anyone else here.

Maddie will never be aware of how many times Bea wanted to fight for her, but was held back by the things that made her realize it's never her that she needed. It maybe Zoe, Cole, or Zolo.

But never Bea. Never her.

"It's time, Maddie." Bea whispered while staring at her wristwatch. Maddie turned to look at the sun peeking through. "No, no, no." She crossed her fingers in hope of the sun to see her pleading to stop, but the sun would never care.

Because no matter how many times she prays for them to be together, no matter how many times she had her fingers crossed for her wishes to come true, it will never happen.

She is gone and is never coming back.

Maddie tried to grasp Bea's arm, but she only ended up being disappointed after seeing her hand penetrate through the latter's skin. She gazed at the woman bitterly smiling at her.

"Bea. No. Please. Don't go. Bea." Her knees wobbled as she fell to the ground, helplessly watching Bea fade away.

"We'll see each other again, Maddie. We will. But for now, trust me when I say I love you.

Because I do... Even if it's in silence. And in silence it will ever be."

Maddie finds her sobbing uncontrollable but the sun has waved at her, and she knew she has to go home. So she tried to stand up, walking through the same streets she walked last night.

Lost in time, she found herself wrapped inside Zolo's arms in front of her house.

"Z-zolo." The lad withdrew from the hug and revealed something she never wanted to hear.

"Maddie, we tried calling you a lot of times these past few days but you're not answering. You missed Bea's wake, but we thought hindi mo lang kaya so we let you breathe. Pero kagabi, naka-ilang tawag ako sayo hanggang madaling araw to tell you that today is Bea's burial. I'm sure you want to see her for the last time, alam kong gusto mo siya ihatid. Pero hindi ka sumasagot. Nalibing na siya, Mads. Bea is now resting in peace."

A new batch of tears streamed down her cheeks as she stared at the sky.

"You never failed to make me feel your love, Bei. Salamat. Mahal na mahal kita."