About my life, I guess

hppy

I easily laugh or smile. It's not me expressing a genuine emotion. Its trying to react in appropriate ways, show people I'm comfortable with their presence, reacting to something funny. All while feeling the same emptiness I got used to.
It takes a lot for me to feel genuine happiness. And when I do, I don't know how to react and get overwhelmed.

Like when I got the information that I easily passed the test to get into that school I thought I would never get into and I broke down and cried for half an hour.

Like when I drove home with my first own horse and I was shaking so much I nearly passed out.

Like when you told me you liked me back and I could hardly even breathe. I was just crying and laughing and crying.

Like when you said we would drive to the sea as soon as we're better and it's possible. I don't think I've ever felt more happiness than in that moment. I know I couldn't express it well. It was just so overwhelming.

Cold, windy beaches are the most beautiful places I could imagine. And you're such a special person. I don't know if anything could make me happier.