Glory & Gore

Chapter 4teen: Mia's Rainbow

I always heard that after the storm,comes a rainbow.you have to hear the world crying to,after,feel loved again by the moon.

And I've always loved that feeling you know,I breathe in fresh air and i feel nature,I look up to the night sky and I feel loved by a tiny glowy ball.

A couple of months ago I felt like the world would not talk to me anymore,like every single galaxy would not glow in my presence,but I realized I was the one that would not listen,that wouldn't glow.

I am made of stars but I used to be a black hole that only knew how to die,kill,steal what had to exist.

every single thing around me would pulse shiny light and I would run my fingertips on it and suck the life out of it.I used to be the black hole or maybe just a constelation of dreams living in a galaxy of disappointment.

But after listening to the world crying for years the rainbow finally came and the moon smiled back.And it did not came from pills,nor from artsy cuts on my skin.

I would love to tell you the secret,but I dare not preach what I don't understand.

I just have to tell you that it is really fun sleeping like a dog on the floor,checking your vital signs,being lonely in a large group of friends,dripping blood and then touching the red lines.until the day where you don't even sleep,you can't feel alive even if you touch your beating heart,you are alone and you drip blood and then you drip more and more until you have no place to touch.

It is fun having the pills and it is fun to have death around you,but it is not fun when you swallow them and death becomes your sore stomach.Believe me I've been there a couple of times,one lonely night I said goodbye took the pills,drank it up,drank it up,stopped breathing,woke up in a bed alone 15 hours later feeling worse than before.It is fun playing but there's a point where you become the game and things I can't explain control you.

There aint no such thing as just one cut,just one ignored thought,just one slepless night.because after the first time,the next ones are always the last,except for the fact that they are not.

Some people try to wash away their sins with alcohol, others try everything to stay out of their minds,others cut their skin to let the demons fly away.

We all do something to stay closer to heaven but we end up getting closer to hell.

But it gets to the point where not feeling anything becomes such a burden that you feel everything at once,and your mind wakes up,your body gets warm and you change.

You dont change to fit in,you change to grow.

And you start thinking about things you ignored years ago and you understand.

I just want to say that you don't have to let a habbit command your life,so I broke my habbit and you could break yours tonight.

It gets better
Darling,you'll be o-k.

I want to dedicate this..."warning" to every one that helped me/is helping me to get through this.

Thank you sis for being a little angel and teaching me how to fly.

Thank you mrs.mom and mr.dad for giving me a home.

Thank you bea and barbara for joking around with me and putting a smile on my face even when I dont want to.

And at last but not least JJ.you are the sun that lights up my constelation,silly boy that makes my heart beat faster,I love you.