At 16 I guess I had this fucked up mentality like every other unoriginal girl my age who thought they were original.
I would play these mind games with dumb guys who weren't on the same intellectual level as myself which usually turned out to be a fail. And so I lived a repetitive cycle of heartbreak. Or at least what I thought was heartbreak.
And so with my lack of judgment I ended up where I knew I'd end up. In his bed, naked. And sometimes I wonder if the only reason I let him take my virginity was to have something to talk about with my friends, or If it was just to experience what the big deal about sex really was. It wasn't about loving him though, Mike was just a friend.
Turned out he had a girlfriend. But I didn't blame him surprisingly. My friends hated his deceiving ass and sneakiness, but I gave him credit for the blank innocent impression he gave off. I admired his skill to manipulate, lie and to cheat. Of course I was mad, I got used, that was clear. But there was nothing I could do. And the thought of someone insulting the intelligence I thought I had, That's what got me angry. In myself.
A week later, I'm naked again. At this point sure I'll admit it was wrong, and sure I'll admit I didn't deserve any sympathy nor comfort from my friends, because I stooped as low as he did. But I knew what I was doing. And it felt so good not to give the slightest fuck. At his age ( 17 ) I wasn't worried about being the reason to have jeopardize a relationship. As a matter in fact, I really had no sorries. Not even for his girlfriend. It was her lack of judgment by choosing an unfaithful boyfriend just as It was my fault for getting played. I didn't tell her a word, but had him in the palm of my hand. He knew exactly what I was capable of. I gained the upper hand and feel of empowerment. Even if it was for the wrong reason, who cares, it felt absolutely fucking great. Because lets face it, no guy in high school wants to go through the rest of his year having the crazy ex-girlfriend and even crazier ex-girlfriends friends talking shit in the halls, and of course, social medias, where the latest gossip travels faster than the speed of a bullet.
This was the launch of a bitch. And I loved it.
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Years, Tears, Fear and Happiness
RomanceFor years I struggled to see what it was I was missing. But when that void was filled, I struggled to keep what it was that made me happy and that was him. It took years, tears and fear to find my true happiness. But yet I lay here again, wonderin...
