tear rolls down my cheek whilst the quiet atmosphere takes over. how could this be real?
i stand at the coffin for one last time, my real goodbye.
his friends and family quietly let me stay for as long as i want. the church slowly emptied until it was just me with his bestfriends. i couldn't leave. i couldn't bare to tell myself i would never hear him again, his laugh, the way he said my name, even the way he argued when he was convinced his way was the right way. i miss those arguments. id give anything to have him back.
"let's go."
"no."
"it's time...we have to go."
"no."
"you can do this, it's time to say goodbye."
i bask in that last word, goodbye. Ever since i was a child i hated goodbyes, no matter who. i could hate the person with a burning passion and still hate saying goodbye. it's so official, so real. most people don't think that goodbye is forever, that they'll see them tomorrow or the next day or in 20 years from now, but really goodbyes are so official.
i hated this. there was no proper way to say goodbye. it wasn't an open casket so it's not like i could see his face one last time, or even try to think of his kind heart without sobbing.
"i love you."
i turn away and don't look back. if i ever look back i would never leave. it's been days since i've slept without tears falling out of regret for wasting so much time, and for not appreciating him more. calum hood, his bestfriend, follows me while putting his hand on my lower back.
i wish i wasn't as fragile as everyone thought i was. maybe they would stop looking at me with pity walking down the street or while buying a coffee alone at our favorite bakery where we had our first date.
we get into the car and leave the church. he would've hated a church or the fact that i was crying over him, but he deserved to be remembered the way i remembered him.
we stop by his moms house, to hug her and say everything's gonna be okay. i want to stay strong for her.
we left without shedding a tear. it was time to move on to normal life without luke hemmings being apart of it.
