It's Hard Not to Hate - An Outlaw Love Story

Chapter Six.

The days continued on as they had. Jax began to feel more and more comfortable with leaving his son in Taylor's care. She had become Abel's caregiver, Jax hadn't even really had to ask if she would stick around, and Taylor was more than willing to take on the task. Jax paid her well, enough to get by, and she enjoyed every moment she spent with Abel. Her and Jax got more comfortable with each other, too, but were both cautious to not overstep boundaries. Friends may not have been the right word for it, but it was close enough. There was still a distance between them, however. Some days they were eager to push through it, and some days they relished in it.

Jax quit inviting women to his house, instead relinquishing his lady friends to the clubhouse only. It seemed to be the right thing to do, especially when Taylor was around. Not that Taylor seemed to care what he did in his free time, and if she did she didn't show it. Without truly realizing it, Jax hadn't had as many lady friends lately, for whatever reason. His needs were being fulfilled in other ways, ways he hadn't experienced before.

Taylor had noticed Jax's lack of visitors in the past few weeks, but thought nothing of it. There would still be times he would stumble in in the middle of the night, smelling of perfume and sweat. But she didn't let it bother her; she tried not to, anyway. She spent more time at Jax's house than at her own, mostly due to the fact that the club had been busy, doing God knows what, and Jax was mostly in and out. Despite his frequent absences he was a good dad. He loved Abel, and Abel him. Taylor enjoyed watching Jax and Abel interact. She had become so attached to that little boy, and when she would go home to her empty apartment she found herself missing him.

Taylor's phone buzzed on the couch beside her, a text from Jax, be there soon. He was running a little late, but she didn't mind. She was enjoying the quiet. She had put Abel down about an hour ago and had already gathered her things to drag home with her after a long weekend of Jax being away.

It wasn't too much longer before the roar of Jax's bike filled the night. He walked in the front door and spotted Taylor on the couch, her legs pulled up under her, her eyes moving from the tv to meet his. He dropped his black duffel bag at his feet and slid out of his kutte, draping it over the banister. Taylor gave him a quick once over; there was no blood in sight this time, and she was grateful. Jax leaned against the wall and gave her a soft smile.

"He asleep?" She nodded. She started to get up and Jax put his hand out, stopping her. "You want a beer?"

"I should really get home."

"Just one beer." She shrugged and relaxed back into the couch. Jax disappeared momentarily, returning with two bottles and handing one to her. She brought it to her mouth and took a swig, paying attention to the warmth that settled in her belly.

Jax sat next to her, keeping some distance between the two of them. They were quiet for a while, neither one of them knowing what to say. Eventually Jax was the one to break the silence.

"What brought you back to Charming?" He asked. Taylor could practically feel the beer sliding back up her throat, her stomach began churning. The two of them had yet to discuss anything truly personal, and this was way beyond just personal. She should've expected the question at some point; it was a logical one. She had been gone for so long, Jax knew that much. Jax took a drink of his beer and frowned at the silence. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to pry."

Taylor felt so conflicted about whether to divulge this part of her life, or keep it hidden, just for her and the select few that already knew. She looked over at Jax and saw he was looking at her. His eyes shone in the darkness; they were genuine, welcoming. Jax had entrusted her with his son, his flesh and blood. Surely she could trust him with this. She wasn't sure where to start, but before she could really give it anymore thought words began spilling out.

"Two years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer." She paused, gauging Jax's reaction. The last thing she wanted was pity, but she could see it forming on his face. "I was only twenty six. It was a rare form; aggressive, but the doctors were optimistic. I was young, healthy, and they said I had good odds." Taylor could feel tears threatening to spill from her eyes, but she willed them away. "I had a good support system. My mom and Donna came to visit often. And I had my husband."

Jax tensed at the word. Husband. Opie had never mentioned that she was a married woman. She wore no ring. She had never mentioned it either, before now. Jax's brain was flooded with emotions, and there was one that was at the forefront; jealousy. He looked back at her, silently asking her to continue. He had asked the question, now he needed to listen to the answer.

"I went through eight weeks of chemotherapy; the hardest eight weeks of my life. I lost my energy, my appetite; my hair. After that I had surgery. The cancer was only in one breast but they wanted to remove both, to lessen the chance of it spreading. So I had a double mastectomy. They told me I had to wait until I had healed for reconstruction, and that I would need radiation first. So I got radiation, twelve weeks of it. Whatever energy and spirit that was left after the chemo and the surgery, the radiation took it from me." Taylor's heart was beating wildly within her chest. She, too, was experiencing a mix of emotions, some good, some not. A tear slid down her cheek, and instead of wiping it she allowed it to remain. Despite her racing mind she decided to continue. "Then Donna died. I was too weak to even come to her funeral. My husband eventually decided that he didn't want a wife with no boobs and no hair, so he started finding comfort in other women."

Instinctively Jax reached towards Taylor, his hand gently falling to rest on her thigh. She looked down at it, as did he. He considered pulling away, but instead he kept it there, his thumb rubbing over her jeans.

"Taylor, I," he stopped, not wanting to interrupt. He was yearning to know more about her.

"The day I filed for divorce was the same day that my doctor told me my cancer was gone, that I was in remission. I hung around while my divorce was processed. I got my reconstructive surgery, my hair started to grow back, I started to become me again. But I still felt empty, ugly, unworthy, and alone. So I decided to move home, to be in my niece and nephews lives, to spend time with my mom. To find myself again." She looked up at Jax, wiping the tears from her face, and she forced a smile. "That was probably a lot heavier than what you were expecting, huh."

Jax removed his hand from her leg and took one of hers in his own. He scooted close to her, his face mere inches away. "You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are strong. And you are never alone. Not anymore."