Infatuation

Alcohol and Me

...

It's four in the morning and I'm laying on an old dusty couch, completely wasted, while watching my friends make out on the couch in front of me. They've been like that for a few hours now and has barely come up for air. I don't bother to stop them though, they seem to be having fun. Something I can't even fathom now, I would hate for me to take that away from them just like someone did to me.

I sighed as I took the half full can of beer in my hand and chugged it. Leaving nothing but the absent presence of my lips on it, and setting it down on the coffee table. I looked over at Roseta and Lily and decide that they wouldn't mind if I left.

As I struggled to sit up from the couch, the room started to spin causing my head to throb. I just ignored it and stood up anyway trying to make my way to the door. I didn't even get that far when I felt the side of my face meet the cold hard floor.

~

The next morning I wake up in an all to familiar room with the worst headache. I bend over the side of the bed grabbing the bowl Jordan leaves for me, and threw up the rest of my dignity. I wipe my tears away and layed back down on the bed. Thinking how grateful I am that Jordan allows me to crash here after I've gotten to carried away.

After a few minutes I decide to get up and head out. As always I go through my usual routine when I'm at Jordans with taking out my throw up first. Then brushing my teeth, hair and also leaving a note on the kitchen counter thanking my friend for the hospitality.

With that I make my way out the door with my bag slung around my shoulder and my hair up in a ponytail trying by best to not look as dead as I feel. I walk down the front steps and cut through the grass to get to the street. I head off down the road to the old playground just a few blocks away so I can gather myself up before calling someone to come get me.

As I arrive at the playground it's quiet except for the morning doves. I trudge over the molch to the richety swing set and sit down. I begin slowly swinging back and forth kicking up the dust, causing it to whirl around me. The wind as always is blowing which can't possibly make my headache worse then what it already is.
How long do I have to wait for the headaches to go away? Day after day is the same, I'm filled with only nothing untill I'm downing some sort of alcohol. Wich I don't mind for the most part, but if it wasn't for these godforsaken headaches I would never be sober. Only for a bit in the morning just enough for my to realize I am. But these headaches make me never want to drink another ounce of alcohol. If only I was smart enough I'd stop, but where's the fun in that.

I continued swinging and thinking about everything and nothing at all untill the rumble of an engine gets my attention. The old black familiar Saturn pulls over on the road in front of the playground. The door swings open and reveals Jordan with shaggy hair, a denim jacket, and the usual caring look on his face as he walks towards me. He's the only person that has stood by me throughout all the years of elementary, middle school and highschool. No matter what I do he's always there and I never have been able to scare him away, yet.
"You're up early." He says as he sits down on the swing beside me.
"Yep"
"You wanna go and get some coffee?"
"I thought you'd never asked."
And with that me and Jordan make our way to his car and start heading off to my favorite coffee shop, Hilltop.

~

I slowly drink my hot coffee very carefully, while Jordan is up at the counter waiting for his drink. As I wait I check my notifications on my phone. Nothing interesting, untill I came upon a news article for Portland, Maine. I scroll threw the photos and the articles to see that it was another car crash. Thankfully none of the names that where in the crash where familiar.
"Whacha looking at?" I jumped to the sudden voice of Jordan sitting down across from me.
"There was a car crash."
"Isn't that the second one this week?"
"Yep, no one we know though."
"Why can't people just stop being idiots." He sighs, takes a long sip of coffee and leans back in his chair. I feel the exact same way. There has been an accident almost every week now and were lucky enough not to be the one dead or someone we know. But there's probably going to be a time where I read the names of someone close that I love. Life would be even worse then it already is if that happened. God, I wish that doesn't happen, I've been through enough already I deserve a break. A break where I'm sober and not having the desire to drown out my feelings with alcohol.
"You good?" I look up and meet Jordans caring eyes with mine.
"Yeah, do you want to go over to someones place?"
"Yeah I was going to go to Kat's later but we can leave now if you want."

We both stood up and walked out the door heading back to Jordans car. The need for alcohol is strong right now, probably because I don't feel well. There's this sad empty void in me that is just eating up all the light I can find. Not even Jordans eyes can make me feel safe like it normally does.

Once we get there I hopped out the door eager to go inside. Me and Jordan walk up Kat's porch and knocked on the door twice. There was a few clicks before Kat's face appeared behind the opened door gesturing us inside. She hugs both of us and trots off to the living room where everyone else was seated. Jordan follows her and I head straight to the kitchen in front me, grabbing a beer from the fridge. I hang back in the kitchen for a while, drinking before heading to the living room. I find a spot on the couch next to Roseta and Jordan and sat down while Roseta gives me a hug. I give a her a smile and leaned back on the couch, quietly observing everyone and their conversations. After a while the sun started to set and more people came. Kat leaves her door unlock at this time to allow more people to come and go as they please. I only know half of these people and so does Kat but everyone knows that her house is the place to go for a party. That's how I met most of the people I do know now. Wich I can't say it isn't the best way to find friends. Bored of the conversation I start walking around the room, getting another beer as I threw my empty one on the floor.

I was only a few beers in when I felt myself being woken by a nudge. I didn't even knew I fell asleep or even when I walked over to the stairwell. I started to doze again when I felt another nudge on my shoulder. I lifted my head to see a guy seated next to me with a cigarette in hand. He had dark hazel eyes with small freckles outlining his cheeks and an old ripped up leather jacket.
"Looks like you've had a few to much to drink." He said has he takes a hit from his cigarette.
"Fuck off" I leaned my head on the bars of the stairwell, taking another drink of beer.
"Wow, sheesh."
I tried to look back over at him but once I did a massive pain ran through my head and I set my head down in my hands.
"We can go up to one of the rooms to get away from everything, that might help with your head."
I look over at him and give him a glare.
"Why would I want to go anywhere with you, I don't even know you. You can just leave me the fuck alone and go find someone else to annoy."
"Come on let's go, there's a bed you can lay down on instead of sleeping by yourself on the floor."
He completely ignored what I had said and got up offering me his hand. I looked at him one more time then decided why not, I have nothing else better to do. I rejected his hand and pushed myself of the ground to my feet. He led me up the stairs to one of the rooms down the hall, which I'm guessing is a guest room. As I walk in after him he closes the door while I lay myself down on the bed.
"Better?" He smiled at me and I just nod. He walks over to the small couch in the corner and sits down. I just stare at him and he stares at me and I start feeling uncomfortable sitting here in silence.
"Can you get me a few beers?"
He sighs and walks out of the room without a word. I lay my head back down and close my eyes listening to the sounds of chatter and music below me.

When the door opens I lift my head up to see him with two beers in tow. He gives me one and sets the other on the nightstand, then heads back to the couch. I sit up and open the beer downing it all at once untill it's empty.
"Woah, slow down there alcoholic." I flip him off then grab the second one doing the same.
"I'm not an alcoholic, I can stop if I want."
"That's what alcoholics say."
I roll my eyes as I layed back down, slowly drifting to sleep.

My dreams were filled of him and his disheveled hair and jacket. A smile like no other and eyes that may be prettier than Jordans. I think he's cute but I don't like him, he just interests me. I can't read him that well which is weird but also calming, because he's not like the others...

Instead he's more like how I used to be.

Authors note,
Sorry it's kind of a slow first chapter but I'll get better. Hope you enjoyed it!