girl crush [ idols x idol!oc ]

girl crush [ thirty two ]

my hands were trembling so much as i looked up at eunwoo.

"i'll never like a fan... like you,"  said eunwoo, making me clench my heart and sob as he walked away.

it was raining, but the pitter patter of rain never bothered me.

"AND... CUT!" exclaimed the director, making the staff applaud and for eunwoo to run back to me and then help me stand up.

"eh, that was great!" said the director, and both eunwoo and i bowed at him as he laughed heartily..

"kamsahamnida, director," eunwoo and i said.

we were then escorted to the side as staff started clearing up equipment. it has reached almost 5 am, and it was the time when we're gonna be dismissed.

our manager approached me and then gave me my phone, making me thank her as i accepted it.

unlocking the phone, i expected a message from donghyuk but like the past week, i never got any. we barely see each other and when we do, it's in the yg building and we're just gonna bow as a greeting. 

i didn't know what was happening, but i was sure there was something going on. none of us just dared to speak about it.

sighing, i just clicked on aina unnie's message.

from: aina
we're gonna head out now for our activities. once you get back to the dorm, take a rest, okay?

replying with a single "okay", i turned off my phone and then went towards eunwoo.

he was on the way out when i called him, making him stop and then look at me.

"hey, eunwoo, has donghyuk been talking to you or something?" i asked, and then he furrowed his brows before nodding.

"yeah, we talk sometimes. why? i'm sure he talks to you. he said he always checks on you," said eunwoo, which made my heart clench and furrow my brows.

"but... never mind. i'm just gonna talk to him. bye," i said, and eunwoo nodding before heading his way.

i rushed back to where our manager was, and then told the manager that i wanted to go back to the dorm already. truthfully, i just wanted to have a nice warm bath to freshen my mind off of these thoughts i've been having for quite a while now.

why hasn't he been contacting me? why is he talking to eunwoo and lying to him that he checks up on me everyday? why can't he even message me just a single word or a brief phrase?

did i do something wrong?

scooping some water using my left hand, i crossed my right leg over my left in the bath. my thoughts were all over the place. i was thinking so-

my thoughts were cut off when my phone started ringing so i picked it up since it was just by the mini table next to me.

"hello?" i asked, and then i heard a heavy breathing on the other line that i recognized as donghyuk's. "oh, hey, dongie. how have you been? you haven't been contacting-"

"i'm sorry, but i think we should break up. we should just cut it off. don't get me wrong, it's not like i unloved you, the situation is just not as easy as it sounds. it's complex and i think that the best would be to part ways," donghyuk said, and i almost dropped my phone in the bath.

what was he saying? he's breaking up with me? is he, really?

tell me, is this just a dream? did i do something wrong?

"dongdong, what did i do for you to break up with me?" i asked, my lower lip starting to tremble.

"i don't know, it's just that... i think you're not ready for something like this yet and... you don't feel the same way i feel about you as much as i do. we can't deny it, right? i know you liked other guys, too, and iwas just among them," he said, as tears started forming in my eyes.

"i liked other guys? donghyuk, i set aside my crushes because i chose you. because you made me feel more than what i will ever feel from those so called guys you're saying. and who's that guy? vernon? only vernon, right? you know i don't like eunwoo-"

"hey, no need for much discussion, okay? i'm just giving it up. maybe if we're meant to be then it will be. i figured you'd be happier as a single lady," he said, making the tears fall down silently.

he was right. i may not have liked him as much as he liked me, but i was on the stage of doing so. i was starting to like him with more than half my heart, and about vernon? i've lost my attraction to him for quite a while now, ever since we had to collaborate for the ikon x azes.

i couldn't utter a single word.

maybe he's starting to lose interest, too.

"sooji?" he asked, and i smiled sadly.

"okay. fine. if that's exactly what you'd like," i muttered. "we do have some differences in opinions."

"i just think we're not ready yet. if we were built naturally and not because of this publicity scheme, maybe we would have worked out without worries of the other doing it just for the public's eye. i'm sorry sooji, but we can remain as friends, right?" donghyuk said, and i chuckled bitterly as i wiped the tears off of my cheeks.

"you're right. you're right. this might be for the best. but then, we'd have to tell mr yang," i replied, and then he hummed.

"yeah, i'd be on that. tomorrow. you're filming in a few hours, right? make sure you get some rest now so you'd have some strength for later. take care of yourself, sooji-ah," said donghyuk, my heart aching with every word he said.

you're breaking up with me, yet you're still as caring as ever. i don't know which one hurts better.