Her House, My Rules

Chapter 60

Dear Hawk...

By the time you read this letter, I will be forever gone. Maybe in a place where darkness takes over, where pain fishes beneath my skin and where love is undertreated by our forgotten memories. I know you're trying to protect me from the outside world but I feel like I'm hurting you slowly. I love you but I have to find my own way. I did a lot of bad things to you, I hid the truth from you. I'm the reason why we lost our baby in the first place and I keep blaming myself for it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to live with that, either. I'm the one to blame, Hawk. I'm a mess. You don't deserve someone like me. You deserve someone better.

I wish I was good enough. I wish I was perfect just like the girls in the movies but I'm not. I'm just a normal girl dealing with her flaws and her imperfections. I know you're trying to do the right thing by keeping me safe but I want you to stop looking for me. I want you to stop fighting for our love. I want you to forget me, Hawk. Please, I'm begging you, forget me... forget me, please... Please... Please... I just want everything to be over. Forgive me for writing you a letter instead of talking to you face to face. I didn't dare to say goodbye especially when the smell of your cologne is torturing my nose, desperately, in the bedroom. I love you but I'm letting go, now. You should let me go, too...

Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone. You're my weakness, and I have to distance myself for a while to find myself again. Until then, we're just strangers with memories. Two lost souls with broken promises. Take care, Hawk. I wish you the best and all the happiness in the world. Deep down, I'll always be your Waffle. Goodbye...

Love, Hazel.

****

Sorry, I can't talk right now.

Hazel sent my calls straight to voicemail.

"Hawk?" Jack examined the tears that were coming down my face, slowly. "Are you good, Bro?"The pain was crawling under my skin. "Are you seriously crying over this girl, man?"

Heartbroken.

God damn, Hazel.

My mind's blown.

"Can you blame me?" I whispered under my breath, sadly. "I love this girl, man."

"She left you, man." Jack proved his point. "There's nothing you can do about that. You have to learn how to let go sometimes. I know it's not easy but if you really care about her, the best thing you can do right now is to give her space." He tapped my shoulder multiple times as he continued with his speech. "She'll come around."

"Jack..." Tears flew down my face, continuously. "I don't know how I'm going to survive this. Hazel is gone and I don't think she's coming back this time. I said hurtful things to her, I blamed her for our child's death, I pushed her away when she needed me the most." I paused, trying to collect myself together. "It's all my fault."

"Stop it, Hawk!" Jack was devastated. He was trying to delete my negative thoughts."Brother, she's the one who made her decision. She decided to leave."

"She doesn't even want to pick up my calls, Bro," I stated. "What if she's in danger?" I stood up, rapidly as I tried to leave the room. "I have to go find her."

"Hawk!" Jack deactivated my departure. "Listen to me, you're not a baby anymore. I want you to chase your negative intentions away. Hazel is not the only woman in the universe. I'm not trying to discourage you, I love her like a sister, she's really a good person, she has a good heart but she's really toxic." He spoke the truth. "I know you love this girl, man. I know you'll kill for her but you can't let her control you like that."