A WASTE OF SPACE

HY!  I decided to post one of my monologues here for all to read. Hope  you all like it. Plz cmment or vote!:D 

I’m dead.

No, I’m not a ghost neither a spirit nor any other king of a supernatural being - except, they aren’t really beings are they? I guess, neither are humans in as sense that they aren’t actually being humans, they’re always doing things which makes me think they should be called human doings but that doesn’t sound right. Well, the point is – I’m dead. Dead yet physically alive.

Now you’re confused and thinking ‘is that even possible’? The answer is yes. It is possible and the evidence of that is right here, me: well, not emotionally but I am here, as a lost being. Let me explain, I am here but my emotions are gone leaving an empty shell of a human called ...‘me’. No, I don’t have a name – at least, I think I don’t. Well, if I did then I don’t know what it is since it was never used by her and I never bothered to ask. Why would I, knowing it would only result in my gaurdian painting my already weak, pale body in purple and blue, my bones dislocating or even a stab or two in the stomach. If I did ask, I wonder, who I would be. Would I still be the same as I am now? Wondering around the empty roads late at night in hope, that one day, I will scream. Scream in fear of the lurking, dark shadows in t he alley ways which to any normal person would leave them sweating. Scream for the dear of my life: which at that moment seems to be threatened? Scream to attract attention: to find help, to have someone care and look out for me. Scream to return the affection received. Scream for the sake of screaming. I WANT to scream. I NEED to; for if I don’t then maybe I never will.

 I wonder the purpose of being here - being alive. I wonder; why I need to live. I was once told that a life filled with joy and sorrow and laughter are worth living and me being the 5 year old naive girl I was believed in it and began to share my smile (which may now not exist under my poker face) with everyone. However, just like how happiness is defeated by sorrow or like night conquers day or even how death triumphs over life, I recall the last teachings of life from experience; stating that ‘nothing remains forever’. That’s all it took. These three words are to blame; I presume they are the reason which caused my life to turn 180 degrees. Now, I’m a walking zombie and all I do is wait. I’m waiting for the fear and the scream which has decided to abandon me. I’m waiting for a friend known as time to put a full stop on me and take me away. But most importantly, I’m waiting for that friend who is a partner in crime with time. A dear friend whom despite not knowing him I believe he will rid me off my misery and put me to sleep; who people are afraid of, who they blame for taking away a life- innocent or not who knows? My best friend named – Death.