Why Didn't I

Regretful Past

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Christian's POV:

"Hey Austhre, do you still remember?

When we were still young and you always trip and cry out my name? You sure is  a clumsy rotten girl back then

Do you still remember?

When we entered school and you always punch our classmates with your little fist?

We entered elementary, but you still did the same. Whenever the teachers call you...

I'll always say "it was me who ordered her to punch that jerk" and then my parents will be called and dad will punch me at home.

Yes. Daddy is punching me every time you make trouble.

I didn't told you because you would probably say "I didn't even ordered you to help me" so I shut.

We grew up together and became a High School student..

You became more girly.

I already had a secret feelings for you back then

but your waaaay too dense to notice (_ __ ")

I wanted to confess but I just.. can't.

fear of rejection always took over..

I don't want to destroy our friendship..

The only thing I'm holding unto.

Do you still remember?

When you had your first boyfriend? Named Charles?

You even asked for my help to get closer to him.

I was terribly hurt that you fell in loved to someone you just met yesterday

You noticed someone rooms away from you but... me.. who was just... an atom apart from you... you didn't even saw. Or even had a glance.

I didn't told you this because I don't want to confess.

Even though I don't want to... I forced myself to help you and be a bridge for the two of you..

A bridge who's willing to be stepped on.. just to help you pass through.

Couple of months have passed as I continued watching you beside him laughing and smiling..

..Like you never did before...

I wanted to go away coz it's hurting me.. but I can't.

I just... can't leave you with that guy... even if it hurts me.. I endured the pain.. just to make sure your safe.

It's ok to be hurt than others to be hurt

That's what I always said to myself.

I will always protect you..

But then, that word vanished.

I saw you being punched like a punching bag by your boyfriend..

I can't do anything.

I can't protect you after all..

He has his new friends with him. They have a lot bigger and stronger body than me.

Fear once took over with me again.

I'm so pathetic! Well.. I'm still young back then to fully become a man.

This happenings were repeated. I asked you why he's doing that to you and why are you enduring it..

You cried to me and I acted like a tissue.

A tissue who's willing to wipe your tears and be thrown once finished.

You said "because he was jealous of you and... I endured it because...

I love him so much."

That is the most stupid reason I have ever heard.

And the most hurting words that hit me.

Why would you keep on being a dumb and endure those punch?! Just because you LOVE HIM?! You're being an idiot for him!

I didn't said those line because I don't want to hurt you.

Well somehow, we're the same.

Your boyfriend was hurting you because of me.. I talked to him and got a lot of punch. I even got a light stab from his little knife.

In that isolated area --where my blood spilled, he told me that if I go away.. He will be what a boyfriend should be.

So I transferred school and left you.

Months passed and my heart felt empty. I was like a living corpse. Like a robot with no emotion.. Nothing to feel.

But one day... my heart was filled with a sudden explosion of feels.

A day that shattered my whole world..

Your... mother called me...

And so here we are!" ^-^

As I stare at her.. Tears rolled over my face..

A tear full of regrets..

Regrets that can't even do anything.

Anything to bring time back.

Back at the time when I can still do the things I should have done..

"Austhre,

Why didn't I...

Told you the efforts I made every time you mess up?

Why didn't I...

Took all my courage to confess my feelings to you?

Why didn't I...
Refused to help you with Charles?

Why didn't I...

Do anything to help you after seeing you being punched by him?

Why didn't I...
Tried to open your your eyes blinded from love?

Why didn't I...
Stayed beside you like I always do? Why did I left you?

Why didn't I...

Fought and win over your love?!

If only....

If only I..." I can't stop it... I cried hardly like a baby..

I tried to calm down a little and placed the flowers beside your name..

Lighted up the candles..

Candles that looked like my heart. Burning. Melting. And little by little...

Disappearing.

I stood up.

Tears rolled in my cheeks again. "Oh gahd. I looked like a gay now" I fake laughed..

And once again got serious.

"Authre O. Bestrania...

If only I did what I had to do...

Then maybe you won't be lying in there.. alone...

Sorry... I love you.. thank you and Goodbye.."

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Please vote and comment! Geehee~

I would reaaaally appreciate it! Specially because this is my first book that I published :3

I got no one to help me for advises and editing pics so.. I'm terribly sorry! ><

Just wrote this in just one night out from nowhere ><

Vote and comment!! \(^O^)/ Arigatou Gozaimasu~ (Thank you very much) Kampaii!~