Light Boy
Before understanding, one must first see the light. The door opens or the veil lifts and we rejoice in the blinding, white unfocused glow that washes over us. Truly seeing what lies in the light comes after our eyes and mind adjust. Later comes understanding. So what is the miracle? What do we crave? Is it knowledge? Is it leaving the darkness? Or could it be the light itself?
Some retain their wonder in the world. Many ceaselessly seek to understand. Most, it seems, find solace and comfort in the dark. But it is a precious few that truly value the light itself. Few of us ask what light really is. We use it, we rely on it, we look beyond it.
It is a fact that no one can actually see light itself; we only see things that are lit. A "beam of light" is an illuminated...something. Water droplets as in a fog or dust particles in a haze. Light is energy. Light can also have mass, it can be stopped and it can trapped and restarted, but never itself can it be seen.
Most of us don't think of light as the non-entity it is. Most do not delve into its' behavior, its' properties, its' secrets. There are experiments with light, of course, using optics and lasers, but the true depth of light's beauty can only be revealed through the language of mathematics. Every experiment can eventually be described by math, and those simple relations can be extended and generalized, allowing one to gain new insights into light's nature. But many do no more than as required by their majors or degrees. They go no further than the most fundamental concepts or elementary relations. Even those fortunate enough to be introduced to Maxwell's powerful theory of light fail to appreciate even the symmetry and beauty of the equations, and so are lost to appreciating the deep secrets of light. So close to the truth of light, but no inspiration or drive to seize it.
I sometimes wish it had been that simple for me; that I could let go of the questions and wonder. Once I began to think about light, its power, its complexity, its beauty, I could not let go of it. Every pursuit, every thought, every plan was constructed and executed with the certainty that I could solve all its mysteries, reveal all its secrets, understand all that it is. I have seen light so many different ways, yet I cannot witness it in the way that would help me understand it most.
I reflect on this as I stand outside Jadwin Hall, ready to begin my third year of graduate school, a doctoral student in mathematics and quantum electrodynamics. It's warm today, hazy warm. The sun is blazing - I feel it's heat on my face as I close my eyes and point my face skyward. I think back to one particularly warm spring day when I was young. I was outside my home with my parents, both researchers of some renown in their fields. I asked, 'Why am I warm? What is touching me to make me warm?' 'Light' was my mother's answer. 'Heat is light, son. The heat you feel is light from the sky. Energy from that great star we call the sun.'
So, light is energy. Energy creates light. I knew that light could be felt as heat and understood that it could be seen as colors. I began to think, soon after, that anything warm gave off light and energy. Did my childhood dog, Charlie, a hyperactive little cocker spaniel push energy through his matted coat to my hand when I touched him? Was I also passing back light to Charlie?
"Lebe."
That's Vecky. I feel her hand on my arm from behind. A warm hand. Her light from within. I knew it was her before she spoke. Estee Lauder. I open my eyes. "Hey, Veck. What a surprise. You're early."
Vecky moves in front of me. I reach for her shoulder. Her hair is shorter. "It's too nice a day to sleep in. Besides, I wanted to see you before the big meeting."
I block the sun from my face with my folder. It is too hot today. "I'm not worried about Trezan. Bad news is, Cliff's gone."
Vecky stamps her thick-soled shoe. It's click reverberates in the concrete and against the nearby brick walls of the dorms. "Cliff? No way! When did..."
