Out of the blue

I never saw it coming

I've had a lot of firsts in my life, but only one changed everything about me.

A month after the wreck, things appeared to have gone back to normal. The soreness faded, and I thought about it less often. My cousin and I sat in the treehouse my Dad had built. There was a zip-line reaching from tree to tree, that we utilized frequently to get down.

My cousin dropped his phone and it plunged down. I stood up, offering to get it for him. It was fun for me. So I zip-lined down toward the ground. As my feet landed on the ground everything went black.

I awoke to my name being yelled over and over, an ambulance backing into my driveway. "What is going on," I thought. The way I felt was indescribable. Nothing made sense in my head, I couldn't remember a thing. "Who are these people? And who is Dewey?"

As I began to remember who I was, and recognize my surroundings I became overwhelmed. I was takin to the hospital. This would soon become an often occurrence. "We believe you've had a seizure, however, we've never seen one like this. The blacking out is not normal."

As the months progressed, I felt broken. Not myself in the slightest. I tried different medications. Some would make me feel like something wasn't right. "Am I crazy" is something I thought to myself a lot.

For a long while, I had a seizure every few months. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But every single time was just as alarming as the last. As I would come out of my state, everything would feel foreign. Almost as if being born over and over again. Even little things like petting my dog felt new. As if it was happening for the first time in my life.

Almost every morning when I would be on the way to school they would happen. Ultimately, I would be forced to drop out. It never got easier. It felt as if someone would flip a switch in my brain every single time. On and off. Only those who had been through it could understand.

I pushed on until I got my GED, and a new job. They seemed to come less and less, but every time they would I felt like all the progress had been reset. I couldn't drive until I was seizure-free, which gave me a whole new set of obstacles.

It's been years now since the last time it occurred. I've since moved in with my long-time girlfriend, and I haven't had a seizure in years. It's altered everything about me. I'll always be on medication. I'll always have the uncertainty of it happening again.

But I've grown to think of it like this. "Everything happens for a reason. Every obstacle you confront will send you where you need to be." But being told you may die any day is scary and I'll always wonder, why me?