Behind My Face, Above My Throat

herion

"p-please, stay just for the night." I whisper into her skin, hoping that it will be engraved in her soul so I won't have to beg again.

"you know I shouldn't even be doing this, so why do you always ask me to stay?" I cant help but catch the side smile. I want to ignore it. for it not to exist in the first place, but here it is. she cant hide it and neither can I. is she proud of what she's done to me, is she glad she broke me?

"dont look so sad, I'll see you next time. ya?" it's not a question even if it sounds like one. I've heard that sentence a hundred times over, she puts back on her clothes gives me a wink and leaves without another word.

it doesn't take long for the tears to make their way down my face. it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. everytime she leaves she takes a piece of me with her. what gives her the right. "let me go." i kiss up her skin in the darkest corners. I open my phone block her, mute her, act as petty as I can. i even get ready to text her a goodbye but I stop.

what if I'm wrong? maybe she can feel this? maybe she wants this as much as I do? i could be over reacting,

so I dont say goodbye, I text her in the morning and pretend that I dont know the way her lips taste or the way I hear my heart shatter.

I'm over reacting, that's it.

this is okay. this is normal. this is how people love. it has to be.
it's fine.
it's fine.