So She Will Be With You forever

1.

Damp air. Not felt on my skin - but under it. Despair clung to every wall and corner. The space within my lungs, instead of gaining oxygen when I drew in a breath, was somehow being yanked out. The emotion was both exhausting and energizing it was like being filled and emptied in the same second. I was struggling to breathe, not the air, but raw emotion, through a transparent veil that draped over my face and mouth. It was debilitating.

There she lay, limp. Facing away from the open door, the side of her head sunk into her blanket, a pitiful attempt at ignoring the painful inevitability of her reality. The chilling mahogany beneath my feet, both warned and enticed, as it pulled me further into the room of surging emotions. I’d wanted to tell her it was okay -  But it wasn't, and she knew it too.

The bed dipped as I sat, I knew she was aware I was there, but any indication was lost as was the light from her eyes. I reached my fingertips toward her porcelain skin and touched her arm, I’d expected her to pull away or react in some form - but even the beat of veins under her skin barely moved. I didn’t speak. I didn’t breath. I didn’t even blink, too afraid that the slightest movement and I would watch her waste away under my touch. The atmosphere around her was grey, desperate - almost reaching out for help and then retreating, it was a timid animal. I looked around the room for something - anything to see her smile. 

My breath hitched as my eyes drifted over to the paint cans lying next to the wall. I stood to my feet taking only three steps before my toes brushed the icy metal of the cans. I lifted them onto the cabinet and stared for a moment, every colour that displayed the half-dead girl sat before me. Every colour that showed her extravagant beauty before her painful demise, was at my fingertips. I lifted a paintbrush that sat on top of the silver can and dipped it into the khaki green. Paint slide over the white walls like is was being excepted - like it was being welcomed home. I painted and painted, every sad emotion and happy ones too.  I painted like a dancer that had taken to the stage for a grand finale, gliding over the greens and blues with vibrant reds. 

Then… I stopped. I didn't move. I didn't breath. I wouldn't blink. I turned to the girl once more and spoke.

“Look at me,” I spoke so quietly I didn't think she heard me, but as she lifted her head I stepped away from the wall. 

“So she will be with you forever,” I said addressing her again, her eyes moved over the painting tears travelled down her face. The wall was covered with magical lilies floating on the surface of the glistening water. Finally, she turned to me and whispered.

“Thank you.” only then did I breathe.