Tragedy rings like a giant bell.
Leaving you shaking.
Your thoughts vibrating.
Making static in your head that you can't see through.
Static you can't hear through.
Making anxiety and a constant state of panic as normal as being manic.
Going through days in a foggy haze.
Forgetting faces and places ever existed.
I can meet a person 3 times and not remember them.
Sometimes the static in my head is so much I can't shake it and there's no room for new information.
In a room full of people and friendly faces but in my head the war still rages.
Thoughts don't just echo they SCREAM!
You don't fit here!
They don't want you here!
Go away, hide inside.
Try again another day.
That girl was just too pretty to feel good around.
My soul screams painfully.
My heart breaks at the sound.
No one wants me around.
Please 🙏
God...
Just let me sink into the ground.
Make it open up & swallow me.
Take away this agony.
How can I ever be enough for anything?
When everywhere I look there's someone doing better than me!
All I want is to be honest...
The pain of my emotions leaves me feeling raw & needing rest.
My thoughts all wound around each other comfortably, tight in a cozy nest.
They want to grow and manifest.
To make me believe that life is not better than death.
But I fight on.
With every bit of strength that I have left!
Drawing in new breath.
Talking to God...
Begging "please, carry me through the rest".
Help me feel my best 🥰
Full of love and zest!
Take off these shit colored glasses...
Let me see in myself what I see in the masses.
Girls with happy faces!
Smiling and laughing 😌
That's all I want for myself.
Maybe I should take some classes.
But If I want it all I gotta do is grab it!
Run fast with it 🏃♀️
Press it tight to my chest where my thoughts can't snatched it!
Protect it like a baby caterpillar!
Care for it, nurture it and watch it flourish 🌹
Keep it locked away behind safety glass...
Letting it grow into my better half...
Butterfly wings emerge through my skin...
Peeling all my layers back.
Agony escapes through tiny cracks.
Making space for what I lack.
Opening my eyes to my own vicious attack!
Exposing the thoughts that make me feel bad.
Blowing breeze throughout my wings.
Until I'm lifted up!
Flying off to better things 🦋
Slamming every door behind me.
Leaving my tragedy floundering.
Make room for me.
I'm here.
I'm healing.
🙏
YOU ARE READING
This is my truth
Non-FictionMy life has been an intense journey from a little girl who was beaten down and abused into believing that she was worthless, to a woman at 43 years of age who is still desperately searching for who she truly is. I found her though. I did. And she wr...
