The Walls I Cannot Touch

Context: This is an older dream so this wasn't written down the moment I had it. I had come to the realization that in my dreams, if I realize I'm in a dream I can leave the dream but finding a wall and punching it really hard with the intention of waking up. That is, until I had a dream where I couldn't. This is that dream.

I was dreaming of something, can't quite remember what. I begin noticing all the strange things that don't quite make sense and just sit and think on them. I realize I'm in a dream, one that's not pleasant. I remember the rule about walls. It takes me a while to find one. I locate a nice sturdy brick wall and go to hit it, focusing on getting out. I close my eyes and swing. My fist doesn't connect. That doesn't make sense. I open my eyes. The wall is still there. I try again, eyes open this time. My fist stops just an inch from the wall. That doesn't make sense. Am I holding back? I try again, harder. Same result. Then I hear a strange otherworldly laugh. I turn around but there's nothing there. I look all around but I'm alone. The wall seems darker than before like something is casting a shadow on it. I go to punch it again and the world shifts. The wall becomes metallic, the spot I'm standing in becomes distorted and then as metallic as the wall. The wall extends out several yards before bending, making another wall. I become enclosed in a big metal room with no doors and metallic walls, floor, and ceiling. It's lit by a light I can't see but has plenty of illumination. Where the floor meets the wall is curved and slipper, as if something is trying to prevent me from getting too close to the wall. I go for it anyway and slip. The laughing returns and with it, a voice and personality. "Tsk tsk you can't touch the walls, what a shame." The voice is all around me. I ask it, "Why? Why can't I touch the walls? What's keeping me from leaving my own dreams?" It cackles and the noise seems to echo around the room in a disgusting way. "Haven't you realized it yet? Just as you're aware of your ability to leave your dreams, I am too." I go for the wall again, this time without sleeping. My hand just can't touch it, like two magnets repelling each other. "Why?!" I cry out. "I don't want you to leave hehehe. You can't leave if some part of your mind doesn't want you to wake up." I run to the opposite wall. The voice taunts, "You know, they say doing the same thing and expecting a different result..." I scream "SHUT UP!" I run to different wall and then another. Nothing. "Why won't you let me leave?!" I feel the presence draw closer but I can't see anything but the room. It whispers "I want to ruin you." Screw that. Part of my own mind wants to intentionally ruin me? "I will get out of this room on my own, damnit." The laughter is so loud it's almost painful. "Not before your alarm wakes you up. Until then, you're mine!" Like hell I was. I went to a wall and started swinging like a boxer gone mad. For a few moments I thought I might've been closer than before. Then the voice begins speaking to me inside my head, telling me all the unpleasant things I don't want to hear. Preaching my insecurities and flaws like a man so filled with pride that he can't even comprehend that he could be wrong. It began to eat away at me. I had to get out but how? How could I escape my own mind when some entity that was the embodiment of my negativity wanted to keep me bound? "Just like I keep you trapped here, you'll never become a better person. You can't escape me. You can't escape yourself." I dropped to my knees, both in fear and anguish. I must leave this hell but how can I? I could feel the cool floor that almost seemed welcoming. Like it wanted me to just curl up and surrender. With tears in my eyes, I rejected it again. "You can't keep me here!" It seemed to ponder on this before saying, "Honestly, you're keeping yourself here. I'm an extension of you. Truth is, you're holding yourself back because you're stupid, flawed, weak, and disgusting." I went to hit the floor but it stopped me again. "You didn't think you could get out that easily did you? Every time you clench your fist, I deny you once again." It was right. I could touch the floor but I couldn't hit it. I couldn't will myself out. I sat down, knees to my chest. No longer crying but I had nothing else to do. "If you just accept me, if you accept yourself as the little slug of a person that you are, I'll let you rest. I can feel you giving up." I WAS giving up. What could I do against myself? I couldn't trick the entity that was part of me. It would think of everything I would and then berate my very existence. People have wondered what they would do if they had to fight themself to the death. They should've wondered how they'd fight the demons inside themself when they're deep within them. I thought and thought and kept thinking while on that cool floor. It wasn't so cold as to be frigid but neither was it really something I wanted to sit on. Second by second I could feel myself slowly giving in more and more. I could still vaguely hear it reciting all the negative things like white noise in the background. It was right. I couldn't escape myself. Not like this. If only I was someone else. If only I was a different person. I was closing my eyes, finally ready to just let go. But then I felt my heartbeat. I thought about it, I thought about what I just said to myself. "If I was a different person. I don't have to be a different person with a different life", I said out loud, "I can be a different person in myself." It felt like the room was emanating anger. So was I. "You keep struggling but you know you can't-" I cut it off "I can't beat you if I'm not willing to change not only myself but the way I see the world. I'm not letting you hold me back in my own damn dreams. We can fight for my entire life but I'll never let you win without a fight." It howled like a wounded wolf that came from hell. The walls closed in on me, trying to trap me. Trying to crush me under the weight of my own mind. It was painful but it wouldn't stop me. I made a fist and just before I could extend it even slightly the walls moved away. It kept moving farther and farther away. I ran in a random direction, toward any of the walls. I kept chasing it, it seemed like I was getting faster than the walls could escape me. Then the room began spinning like it was trying to knock me off my feet. I wasn't going to stop when I was so close. I could almost touch a wall. I went to swing and my arm went sideways. Again but this time down. Again and my foot slipped, and I hit myself in the face. It only spurred me on. The demon tried one last time in vain to stop me, "YOU'LL NEVER BE RID OF ME!" My own voice came from the room in response. "I don't need to be rid of you. I just need you to shut up!" I punched the wall so hard that for a brief moment I feared I might've punched something in the real world. In a bright flash I woke up in my bed. I looked at my clock. 2 minutes until the alarm went off. I had won.