Tired Eyes-#LookingForAlaskaContest

Tired Eyes

Life was so delicate, and this is something everyone sort of knew from the moment they were born. That death was a part of life, but at the same time, your worst fear. 

 You couldn't stop death, and you couldn't tell when it was coming, so... why be afraid of it?

 It was 2018, Junior High graduating year, and only a month of school left to go. 

 Max had always had problems in math classes and excelled in science. Logic was her friend, but everything had to have a reason. A reason to exist, a reason to survive. Purpose was essential. 

 Max suffered to gauge the difference between empathy and apathy, often times, and "essential" became a word she was familiar with. 

 Max's rule for herself was if the emotion wasn't essential, erase it. If she felt it, she was setting herself up for fear. 

 So what's so pivotal about a story of a girl who chose not to feel and felt like she had no choice?

 She just went through the motions, not understanding why she did them or what they meant. 

 She'd let people hit and abuse her, laugh at her and make her cry. 

 What use would it be to try and stop them?

 She wasn't afraid of death. Or was she?

 She was afraid to fail. Or was she?

 Max had repetition. It helped her remember what to do every single day, remember a pattern every single day. 

 Wake up, get dressed, go to school, walk home from school, do homework, do chores, wash up, make dinner, more chores, clean up, shower, change clothes, brush teeth, go to bed. Get up in the morning at 6:45, and repeat. Do it all again. 

There wasn't allowed to be any error. If a friend wanted to spend time with her, she could pencil it in on the weekends after lunch until four and then at four thirty, it was fencing practice.

 What is a pivotal moment, though, when change ceases to exist?

 It only takes one mind, one voice, to influence one thought. And then your mind starts wandering down a path you never knew your brain was capable of walking down. 

 "What if, instead of chores and homework and cooking and cleaning, you took the time to catch up on sleep. Read a book. Take care of yourself?"

 Take care of yourself. 

 Max had never really known how to take care of herself. 

 She'd never taken that kind of time. Penciled it in between lunch and dinner on a Sunday afternoon. 

 So she did. 

After school one day, 

 She took a nap, disregarded her chores, her homework, her repetition and her schedule. 

 Imagine waking up one day, and deciding to change everything about yourself. From long hair to short, skirts to jeans. 

 Deciding to change consistent, unfaltering repetition into impulsive spontaneity. 

 You don't need to be so uptight, so scheduled, so sad and emotionless. 

 Just lay down. 

 Take a moment. 

 And rest your Tired Eyes.