The Beginning of Everything

It was Friday afternoon during my eighth grade summer vacation when I first saw him in the neighborhood. He is a new face, a really attractive one, I might add, that you would regret not looking. But that moment, when I look into those eyes, those crystalizing brown eyes, my entire world had changed.

At first, I just thought, he's just really attractive. But those eyes, whenever I look in those eyes, I'm sinking deeper. I'm sinking in the depths of fantasy and romance that I have never thought before. I met him in many circumstances. I saw him in the church, in the hallway of the hospital, in the library, in certain places that many people often go. It was all coincidence. But after some time, I wish I would see him in other places. I would anticipate seeing him whenever I go to church, whenever I pass by the hospital or even going to the grocery. I am expecting it to happen. And everytime I see him, it brightens up my dull day. I felt like I am complete.

Despite of that feeling, I never had the courage to talk to him. I was shy. Time had passed and things happen.

Then, one morning, before the summer vacation ends, he went up to my juice stall and bought a lemonade. That is the first time I ever felt so happy. Then, he asked for my phone number. I was thinking whether to give in or reject him but before I can decide, his friends come up telling him that they have to go. Before he went away, he left me with the words "I'll be back next summer. I am looking forward to seeing you again."

Eight years have passed but that summer never came. He never came back. And here I am, still waiting at my doorstep, roaming around in the library, hospital and church, hoping to see him again.

Then, it made me think, what if I gave my phone number that time, what would happen? Would he have a reason to come back?

Those thoughts come rushing through my mind everytime I try to make a decision. Should I be brave enough to face my action or would I still be the scared little girl who will soon regret not doing a thing?

Before that summer, my life is normal, simple and dull. I never felt any emotion at all. When he came, I experienced bliss, excitement and happiness. But those are only short-lived. After him, it became dull again. Now, the decision lies in my hands? Would I still stay in the mediority of emotions and be scared and safe or would I try to outgrow these fears and discover new emotions that life has to offer?

I chose the latter.

From that moment on, I became braver, and more confident. I would rather accept the consequences of my actions, I would rather get bashed by the eyes of everyone than get drowned with regrets and unhealthy thoughts of not being enough.

Thank you, and if you ever come back, I wanted to say thank you for making me a better version of who I am.