Introduction

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Let's say you really really like Doritos, they've been your favorite food since you tried them your first time but then you discovered they were really unhealthy and you should be eating something that tastes like Doritos but is much healthier for you. So you do eat the alternative and they're alright you suppose, but they're not Doritos, you'll say I guess they'll do because you do want to be healthy and you don't want to disappoint your friends and family by slipping up and eating Doritos.

You go a few years without eating Doritos but you've been craving them for a long time, you walk past them in the store every fucking day and always tell yourself no and you're doing a fanfuckingtastic job at not eating Doritos and it's fine and you're living with it and everyone is very happy with you. You're happy for yourself, you're proud of your Dorito-free streak but then you see someone else eating Doritos and suddenly you're fucking starving like you haven't eaten in weeks and there's a bag of Doritos sitting on the table and you could eat the whole bag and then get another until you're gorged on them, until you're bursting with fucking Doritos and you're so happy and high on the taste and the crunch and even the mess of Dorito dust on your fingers and your shirt. You could certainly do that couldn't you?

But if you give into your little fantasy, the one that's sitting right at your fingertips, then you ruin your relationship with your girlfriend who can't handle you eating Doritos again, you deeply upset your family and friends and yourself and everyone to whom you swore you'd never touch another fucking Dorito and maybe you get fired from your current job because the students would get really upset about Dorito breath and you can't get your dream job treating Dorito addicts and your life is a fucking mess so now you have no reason to ever stop eating Doritos again and maybe one day you eat too many in one sitting and you fucking die.

This is not a story about Doritos.


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