Little overthinker!¿

'Happiness'

Chapter 1
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Happyness¿ that's all I want right?
That's what everyone wants.
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"You have to let yourself be happy in life, you've only got one life so make something out of it!"

"you think too much just stop! And let it all be"

"This is why you aren't happy, you make yourself unhappy by researching stupid and unimportant stuff"

These are the only nonreligious answers people seem to have to my questions of happiness and life. I can't understand how people can just live without wondering what their 'life' more like existence really means. But then again I am very jealous of them because all I'm able to do these days is think and qoustion, that's no way to be. I've always been a strange child and the things I used to obsess about as a teen weren't very light either. I was once told by a teacher that if you pray with your eyes open that it is not to God but to the devil, this should have made me scared but it exactly made me feel curious in an exciting way. After that I started to try to slowly open my eyes one by one when we prayed at daycare and school, I used to open one eye then the next and look around very fast to see if he the devil was listening and close my eyes back quickly. But he didn't show up. So after trying for a week straight carefully trying not to disturb the little fast prayers we had to learn as children I gave up and just closed my eyes again listening to the teacher thanking God for giving us food and water which always confused me for many reasons as do a lot of things. I've traveled a lot when I was little which wasn't really a problem before I had to leave a certain town which was the home of my dearest friend. I cried when finding out I had to leave her behind because i depended on her, we spent every moment of our lives together literally from the early morning pick-ups to the late good night text. She made me happy, I felt like myself around her. Now in my 20's I've become to understand what I was feeling for her wasn't only platonic, I was in love with her.