Susan Boyle: A Dream I Dreamed.

Susan? At my Birthday Party?

It all started on a Wednesday morning. I stumbled out of bed and looked out at the murky, grey clouds in the sky and thought to myself "I wonder what Susan would say about this weather". I then got dressed and went down stairs to have breakfast. "Happy Birthday, love" my Mum exclaimed as she handed me an envelope. I open it. It's a card with Susan Boyle on the front and a Union Jack in the background, I open the card, I don't care for the message written inside but a fifty pound note slips out onto the floor. I let it fall. I'm disappointed, another year without Susan Boyle concert tickets. I eat my cereal and go back up to my room. I turn on the "This is Susan Boyle" playlist on Spotify and put in my AirPods and the world melts away. Her voice. Her presence. She amazes me. All of a sudden I realise that my friends will be coming over in an hour to celebrate my birthday with cake and treats. I thunder towards the wardrobe and thrust the doors open with all my might. One of the doors deflects and hits me in the face. "Ouch" I think. "It still doesn't hurt as much as not going to see Susan Boyle this year" I continued. I pick out a black sparkly dress, just like the one that Susan wore, except mine is from Primark. I style my hair putting upturned curls at the bottom of my hair just like Susan and keeping my makeup minimal, just like Susan. The doorbell rings. I scurry down to the door enthusiastically and open the door with excitement. But it was only my friends. Once again, not Susan. I grow tired of opening my door to everyone but Susan Boyle. Myself and my friends gather around the coffee table in my living room and I order each of us chicken burgers from our local chipper. Each chicken burger with extra onions and extra mayo, just how Susan likes it. We turn on a Susan's best bits compilation as we wait for the food. After watching her perform "Wild Horses" on a loop for 45 minutes I hear the doorbell ring. I almost don't answer because I know I'll be disappointed once again due to the absence of Susan. When will she ever grace my life with her presence? When can I indulge in her being? I open the door anyway because I farted in the living room and needed a quick escape before my friends could figure out it was me. I open the door. I'm stunned. There standing in a yellow and red uniform was Susan Boyle. She looked magnificent in that little cap, the yellow made her eyes pop. I don't know what to say. I'm star struck. "7 chicken burgers with extra onions and extra mayo? Mmmmmmm sounds tasty" she says. "I...I...I..." I stutter, "Yes, that is my order... but... but you're Susan Boyle" I quickly add, trying to pull myself together in front of the most desirable woman on the Earth. "Keep that between you and me" she said smirking as she winked and handed me the bag of food. I could feel my whole body flush and the goosebumps ripple through my body. I couldn't help but watch her walk back to her delivery van. With her juicy, sumptuous rump drawing my eyes towards it. No question about it, that was the best birthday ever.
P.s. Susan, your secret is safe with me. ;)