John was having a hard time getting over his alcohol addiction. His wife left him for being such a drunken bastard all the time, and he has crippling depression because of it. But it's ok, because nothing heals the soul like a crisp, bubbling glass of sodium!
Or at least, so he thought.
"You wouldnt dare drink that garbage!" The Pepsi man hissed.
"As if he'd drink you" the Cola man retorted.
John sat awkwardly, his mind drifting off to consideration of how he'll convince his wife to let him see the kids again, even if its just one last time.
"I've had enough of your bad marketing and nasty attitude!" Pepsi exclaimed, pulling out a knife.
"Well I've had enough of you, copying me. And you're nothing like me!" Coke shouted, pulling out a gun.
'Huh, did he bring a knife to a gunfight and is just really dumb? Or did he bring a gun to a knife fight and is just really messed up?' John thought.
Hours passed, Pepsi man and Coca Cola man were fighting tooth and nail, blinded by anger and hatred for one another.
"That's enough!"
Pepsi and Cola looked over in confusion, but froze upon seeing John, crying.
"My wife just got remarried, and now i can never see my kids again, and I really want a drink but I can't touch alcohol. I cant have you guys fighting like this its too much, why cant you just get along?"
Pepsi and Cola looked over at one another. After years of rivalry, they were able to find a loyal drinker who loved them both equally. They never considered they should love each other, for his sake. But the time has come, and they owe it to him.
"I love you Cola Man" Pepsi suddenly said. Cola man blushed.
"Shut up Pepsi man, I....I love you too" he whispered.
-----
John was doing ok after 7 years of therapy. Pepsi and Cola were happily married. They had to hide their relationship from the public since their names were so big, but they truly did love each other and they loved John for bringing them together. He was almost like a son to them. Even though he was like, 40 now. They grow up so fast.
