Forget Me: JoshuaxReader

Chapter 1: Ride

"Maybe you shouldnt go..." 

Silence

" I mean...yknow, the zoo isnt as fun as it sounds...and uh- me and you can go see the old ladys cats give birth. Thats way cooler than the zoo.."

Continued Silence

" Its just that I dont wanna be alone and-"

"Joshua..."

CRASH!!!

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Its been a month since the accident and the events leading up to the accident havent stopped replaying in my head, over and over again. Each time I try to figure out why this happened to me. Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? 

...

I have no answers. None. The funerals in a week. It took awhile to plan and organize because of the amount of people who died. It was even harder since no one knew what they wanted, they werent supposed to die. My brother shouldnt have died. He was only 10. He had a future and he would always talk to me about it. He wanted to be a Zoologist because, as he would say, " I want to be the guy who gets to help the big cats because they are so nice to us." 

The day of the accicdent was his birthday and every year for his birthday he wanted to go to the zoo to check on the "big cats". Its what he looked forward to every year. My family didnt have a lot of money so, they couldnt always treat us or do something fun with us. My brothers birthday was the only exception. They would save up money all year long just to treat us to a nice dinner and a day at the zoo. They both worked two jobs so we hardly got to spend anytime with them but, luckily, we lived around nice people and they would look after us for them. We were hardly ever home in that respect, only at night would we go home to go to sleep and sometimes we would catch our parents before they went to work. Days like that would be our happiest because it always motivated my brother and I to do our best that day. Our best work in school, our best playing, our best eating, our best manners, and the list could go on but, seeing our parents working so hard motivated us to do even better. Because of this, I hold no grudges against them or their debts. Although, they were never home for any meals so we ate else where, we lived in a nice house ( 2 story ) surrounded by considerate people, They did their best to try to give my brother and I a good childhood and I'll always love them for that. However, I dont know if I could ever come to terms with my brothers death.

It didnt feel real. It DOESNT feel real. You mean to tell me that my younger brother, the one I'd always play with. The one I'd always help when he was in trouble. The one I loved more than anything. The one who meant EVERYTHING to me. That adorable, kind, sweet soul has been killed- no, murdered and I wasnt there. I wasnt with him during his time of need. Whoever did this to him, they will pay....

....

I only have myself to blame

I wasnt there. I didnt comfort him. He died alone and afraid and I did nothing. He should be alive and not me. I dont deserve this. 

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I deserve to DIE

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"Honey?..." It was my friends mother, Eyan's mother. It seemed as if she was coming up the stairs towards my room. Since the accident Eyan's mother offered to take me in. All of my immediate family was dead or lived no where near us and CPS thought it would be better to stay with people I actually knew since, to their understanding, I spent more time with them rather than my own family. She was a single parent and took care of Eyan on her own. I think thats why she wanted to take me in, she had empathy for me probably. 

The house was two stories high and had a decently big backyard with a pool. Well, all the houses in the neighborhood did other than my other friend's , Joshua's , house. He had a three story house. Whenever I would ask him about why his house was so much bigger, he'd just tell me that they got work done on it. He explained both of his parents had good paying jobs so they had enough money to do it. He never specified what kind of jobs but, I never pryed. I could tell he was uncomfortable about the topic and it also made sense. If both his parents had good jobs of course they'd have enough money to upgrade their own house. Afterall, they only were taking care of one kid and didn't have to spend a whole bunch of money in that regard. 

I always liked to look at Joshua's house from my bedroom window, at least my new one anyway. It was pretty at night. Right across the street from my window was their house and at night it had a different hue than all the other houses. Maybe it was my eyes playing tricks on me but it seemed to glow. Like when something shiny catches your eye; the feeling of enticement, I just couldnt help but stare at it. The color, shape, and size of the house; I liked it all. Sometimes I was envious of Joshua for being able to live in a house like that. Other times I was just thankful that I had the chance to meet someone who could live somewhere like that, knowing that I never would be able to.I mean I am just a simple girl with a simple way of doing and seeing things. I am not extravagent or any type of special. I wouldn't deserve to live somewhere so beautiful and serene.

Just like any other night, I was sitting on my bed staring out my window admiring the view as I heard my nickname that Eyan's mother called me.

"Yes?" I said.

"Dinners ready and could you go get Eyan? He left a little while ago to the convience store to get some snacks to cheer you up since you havent left that room....anytime soon. I just hope he didnt get lost." She sounded so worried. Filled with dread and grief but also sorrow. Sorrow for someone else. 

" The one around the corner, right? I'll be back as soon as I can with him. Don't wait to eat with us if you get hungry!"

She nodded and I left. The neighborhood was so conviently placed surronded by a lot of stores and even a beach walking distance away. In the other direction there was a mountain. My brother, Eyan, Joshua, and I would always go exploring when we were younger. It was so fascinating and we'd have a lot of adventures all the time. I wish I could get those times back. They were taken too fast. Like a car ride that abruptly stops at a red light; My car ride called life abruptly stopped at the red light called grief and regret. There were just some things I'd never get back.