Scars

My Childhood

In the beginning, God prepared, formed, fashioned and created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, an empty waste, and darkness was upon the face of the very deep. The spirit of God was moving over the face of the earth. God said let there be light, and there was light. God saw that the light was good, suitable, and pleasant and he approved of it.

In my beginning, God formed me in my mother's womb. My world was a dark and empty place. God was with me from my conception. In nine months, God said "My child come into the light", and I came in kicking, screaming and crying. [After some fifty years of kicking, screaming and crying to God and fumbling around in the dark, surviving times of trust and mistrust, hatred and love for me to allow the warm, penetrating, reviving, invigorating light of Jesus Christ to envelope my life, my soul and my very being.] The light was good, God was very pleased. I understand now that my job was not to ask why, but to ask what now?

This book and the path that lead me to this day and the what now can I do Lord? 

This is my story.

I hope it inspires you, enlightens you, entertains you, and brings you closer to;

The only father that will never abandon you.

The only husband who will never hurt you.

The only friend who will never betray you.

As humans, we all enter and leave this world the same way.

It's the journey between the beginning and the end

that defines and distinguishes us from every other human being on the planet.

Our legacy or mark on society.

As for me, I've been both sinner and saint

A little bit of both every single day.

I was lost, but somehow, by the grace of God, I've been found.

There's been some pain, been some regret,

been lots of moments I'll never forget.

But through the trials and tears, love and laughter.

THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A MOMENT!

That God was not leading, guiding or directing my path.

The success of our future is in direct correlation to the healing of our past!

I thought I was fine as a child, teenager, young adult, and now as a soon to be senior citizen. As a child an independent streak took root. A hardness grew that kept me isolated, from needing or wanting help. I developed A "Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" mentality which impacted my opinion of others who needed help, and my weaknesses.

I never connected it with my father's passivity. I genuinely thought I was doing fine. Until someone challenged me to consider the impact my human father had on my relationship with my heavenly father.

Only then did I consider the impact of all that I had missed. No tender moments, no champion, no confiding of worries or request for help. No father/daughter dances or advice and threats about boyfriends and potential husbands.

The honesty caused a pain that surprised me. I struggled with the same feeling of guilt as I compared myself to others and the truly hard lives they had. I didn't want to dishonor my father. But I'd opened a door I knew God wanted open. So, I pressed into the honesty.

My little girl heart had tried to heal itself by developing an inner strength. Only that strength built a wall, instead of a bridge, to God's heart.