Mr. Bad Boy and I

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen:

Jessica's POV;

It was like betraying him when I didn't say it back, or rather it was worse than betraying him. I knew I held his heart for a while now, and I'd known I loved him only a few days after but at this point saying it back to him was allowing him to win.
I was the sort to compete, and I was the sort to fight when needed but I was also the type to put down my ego and anger for those I loved. But with Jason, my relationship became complicated by the second, admitting my feelings for him even after he did first, seemed like an impossible task. Not was it only because it was hard for me to admit my feeling, but also because he had hurt my ego when he said he doubted loving me. Hurt my ego, and...my love for him.
When my impulse reaction made me run, I found myself at the graveyard. I don't know how that happened exactly, or why it even happened. At first I had felt Jason following but then he gave up. It seemed as though I was being oddly dramatic but I still found my way to my dad's grave. 'A loving father' it read. He was a loving father, in fact beyond that. He was kind, protective, supportive and he never made me feel what I felt today.
I sat in front of the graveyard, my body ached from the running and I became weary as I closed my eyes. At this point, I wasn't hurt about Jason; all I felt was this sudden urge to curl up against the grave and pretend my dad gave me comfort. Comfort for what? Probably missing him. I missed him, and the intensity I felt of missing him right now heightened when Jason rejected me for those few hours. The guilt was crushing against my emotions as I let the tears fall. I would do anything to have my father back, I would take back every mistake I made as a spoilt teenager that year, and never be the spoilt kid that I had become. "I miss you dad." Was all I remember before I drifted into darkness.
*
When I woke up next day, I found myself in the comfort of a pillow and a warm bed. It didn't make any sense that I was there, I remembered the graveyard and that was all. I didn't open my eyes and I moved a bit under the quilt, I was even changed but none of it made sense. I remember crying and I remembered saying I missed him, I decided to open my eyes to see if some physcopath had gotten to me but I was in my own room.
I scanned the room and found Jason, sitting on the chair, sleeping silently. Had he brought me home? And if yes, how had he found me? And if he found me did he change my clothes? The thought ignited anger inside of me but at the same time I was tired of being angry with him.
I stood up from the bed, quietly. Last night had been tough for the both of us, the fact that he lay there when I didn't tell say those words back was astounding but it showed his commitment. I walked over to him, as I studied his flawless face. He was hot and dangerous when he was awake, well hot was an understatement but at this point - he wasn't dangerous or deadly - he was beautiful? Yeah that sounded like a girly statement but he was innocent and calm- somehow my hands found it's way to his cheek as I sighed. "I love you too." I whispered almost like I thought he would wake up. And then I turned around and left the room, when I entered the kitchen mom was sitting there cooking.
"You and Jason will have dinner at home today." She said without any greeting.
I frowned, "You know he's in my room?"
"Well of course," she said warmly. "He brought you home, and I was there. He explained briefly of where he found you, and how you two fought. Then he waited outside while I changed you and requested if he could sleep on the couch."
"Right." I said sighing.
"Let him sleep for a bit, he made sure you alright for a good hour before he sat down." Mom said and after a few seconds of silence she sighed. "I miss him too, Jess. I just don't know how to say it."
I didn't say anything, I had forgotten how desperately I wanted dad to be there last night but her reminder brought a sudden ache into my heart. But I shrugged, I missed him a lot but that was daily for me so getting depressed wasn't going to help right now.
So I sat at the table as mom cooked, and read a book silently. After a while though, Jason walked into the kitchen. He seemed exhausted; his dark circles had increased fairly as he walked forward. "Hi Jason." Mom greeted him.
"Hey." He replied, avoiding eye contact with me.
"Sit down, let's have some dinner." Mom offered.
"I should get home." Jason said not speaking another word.
"Oh come on, Jason. Don't leave," She insisted. "I'm serious, stay. I'll be right back."
And within seconds, she left us alone in the room and I sat awkwardly waiting for him to say something but he didn't. He was either hurt, or he was angry but I wasn't sure.
"How did you find me?" I knew he hadn't been able to follow me or rather had given up following me.
He didn't say anything at first; he walked up to the empty chair next to me and sat down. "I called Jake and Lindsey at first, when you weren't with them I checked with Aaron and then I remembered. Before you and I became something, often as I crossed the graveyard to go home from school - I saw you there. So I had to check, and when I came you were asleep."
"Oh." I said feeling exposed. I hadn't known people saw me there, I was well hidden - always in a hoodie, this was probably the first time I had gone without one.
"I'll leave after the dinner is done, sorry for bothering you." He was acting formal and that confused me but then I realized that it's how he felt. He admitted his love to me, after hurting me - he also apologized but I didn't say it back, for him it wasn't easy. In fact it was more difficult then me.
"You don't bother me," I said quickly. "At all."
He frowned, "Then what exactly do I do?"
"Scare me." I admitted. It wasn't a feeling I admitted often, in fact it was the first time I let it surface into my mind and words. Jason scared me, not just because he had all the strength that was possible. But because he urged me to care and love someone other than the small list of people I had learnt to care for. "But in a good way."
"How can I scare you in a good way?" He seemed taken aback by my words, not expecting a word of it. I wondered if mom really had some work or did she leave to give us some time alone, which we desperately needed.
"How's your hand?" I asked avoiding the question.
"It stings a bit, but it doesn't bother me." He said as he glanced at his hand. "I should leave."
He stood up, approaching towards the door when I forced myself to stop him, "I want you to stay."
"Okay." He said turning around frowning at me as he bit his lower lip anxiously. He was annoyed and fed up, and I didn't blame him. I was giving him mixed signals and that wasn't fair to him.
"Jason, I love you too."
A smile, a genuine smile crossed his face then but before he could say anything my mom walked back into the kitchen and sighed. "Let's eat, I'm starving."
And so we ate, in conversation with mom and all about many things. However every time I glanced at Jason, he gave me a smile. It wasn't his usual badass smirk, just a normal goofy smile that surprisingly suited him.
When mom allowed us to leave, we went to my room and I laid down on bed, Jason followed, keeping my head on his chest and his arm rested around me. "Why didn't you say it before?" he asked.
"I was angry at you for saying you doubted it." I said. "Plus I didn't know how exactly to admit that I was in love with you too, especially after the weird fight we had."
"I'm honestly really sorry, Jess." He sounded hurt. "I didn't mean that, I was angry and it doesn't justify it but yeah I was."
"It's okay," I said. "I always knew we would fight more than we made out."
He chuckled, but then seriously added. "I'm sorry for the bruise."
"I'm sorry my ex hit you with glass." I said giving him a guilty smile. And then a thought occurred to me, "When I didn't say it back, what did you think?"
"I thought we were over from your side, that you didn't want to be with me anymore." He said almost so low that I wasn't able to hear him.
"Yet you came looking for me."
"Obviously, I'd look out for you even if you broke up with me with proper words that second. I told you my heart was yours, that means I protect you whenever needed till I die. Protect and...care for you." He started playing with my hair then.
"You found me and you stayed. The way you acted seemed like we'd broken up." I felt sad about that, I didn't really think we would ever break up after today especially.
"I thought you didn't want me, I felt rejected Jess. I've never felt that way to such intensity before."
"I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to think and then I missed dad too much." I sighed. "Why me, Jason?"
He didn't reply at first, but then sighed. "I don't know."
We spent the next one-hour, lying next to one another - listening to songs and joking around. Jason was a jerk, in fact he was worse than that. But that side of his stayed behind when we were alone and that intrigued me, it jolted a feeling of being special inside of me. I had seen him in his rough times, and I was happy to know I was part of the times he hid from the entire world.
"I think I should go now. I don't want too, but you're mom will kick me out soon." He laughed as he stood up.
"Yeah, I need to study a bit as well. School together?"
"Obviously." He found the question innocently stupid, I could tell.
"Not obvious," I said smirking. "I mean any other random Laura or Nathan can come."
He looked at me, shaking his head disapprovingly. "Nathan jokes are off limits for at least a month."
"Okay, boss." I said as I grinned. I liked this feeling I felt around him, it was safe and daring both.
He gave me a hug and kiss before he walked towards the door to leave, but before he held the handle he turned around. "You because - I'm in love with you."
If we were given an award for each time we were dramatic, Jason and I would have had about more than 15 awards. Because as soon as he declared his love for me again he walked out. At first his sentence seemed to confuse me but then I understood what he meant. I had asked him why me, and he said he didn't know. And now that fact that he loved me, was his answer. I stupidly smiled at myself, who knew I would be one of those girls who would sit in her room thinking of a guy she had just been with and would be with again after a few hours.