Love isn't real

Part 1 - The Chloe Story

"Ba Boom, Ba Boom" my heart beats slowly getting faster and faster as I get more and more nervous. 

I look in the mirror, I run my hand through my long, dark black wavy hair. I being to overthink whether black slacks actually goes with a dark blue, shirt. the thoughts in my head start to come out as words.

"Do these clothes even look good?" 

"will they actually like me?" I begin to tell myself. 

"maybe I shouldn't go, its not like they will like me" the words start to get darker and darker like negatively is all that is inside my brain. 

I turn and look towards the mirror, I see the person everyone else sees. I see the hideous, pathetic loser. I see that awful smile that people remind me about so often. I begin to hear evil voices in my head... They tell me to die,

"should I listen?" I begin to think to myself

I let out a massive cry "I FUCKING HATE THIS VOICES"

 it scares the shit out of me, I'm so scared by it I begin to get shivers down my spine and a cold chill runs through my body like a cold, soulless ghost walks through it. I here a rapid thud of foot steps running up the stairs, SWOOSH the door swings open, its just my mum 

"Are you okay?" she asks calmly with a look of concern on her face. 

I turn around pretending my eye was itchy, but I was actually wiping away the tears, I put on my best fake smile and tell her "I'm okay" knowing that I am not. 

I begin to think, "why couldn't I be like my mum? she is naturally beautiful, she does't have to try to be beautiful because she already is." 

I hate this, lying to my mum, you know how hard it is to have to lie to your friends and family every day because you don't want to hurt them. Well that what I do every day, I put on my best fake face just so everyone can see that I'm "happy" which you're probable thinking that I must have a perfect life and that everyone would love to have my life. Well honestly the idea of my life sounds perfect...from what you see on the outside, you know being a 6-foot male with quite an athletic body, talented at most sports, and the voice of a fucking angel. It sounds fucking amazing doesn't it? WRONG my life is terrible, its honestly like when God was making me, he decided to take a big fat shit down my throat before sending me down to live.

"Okay... well you look great and Chloe is going to love you, I promise" mum tells me with great confidence, she walks out with a smile on her face slowly closing the doors behind her.

 I fall back and start thinking about her. "she's so beautiful and  smart. The way her perfect thin lips curl up to reveal the way her teeth are all aligned so perfectly in her mouth when she lets of the cutest smile gets my heart all out of control. When I'm with her I fall more and more in love.  there is nothing she can do to that could ever make me mad." I think to myself. I bounce up excited to finally be going on my first date...

I just hope those voices don't come back, I hope that for once the war in my head stops and the side of good conquers the bad. 

Yes, I know what you're thinking, I am going to get the girl good on me. You see when I truly love a girl everything in my head goes mental. I have mental breakdowns because I know my worth does not fulfill everything that the love of my life needs. But let's find out whether you're right.

"knock, knock, knock" I knock on the door of Chloe's house. 

Her parents answer the door. 

"Chloe, Ad...Ad...Adam is here" he calls out trying to refuse saying my name in embarrassment. 

"I will be there in a second" she replies. 

The tension builds as the silence get longer and longer. A random voice whisper "she is going to use you"

 "no she won't" I angrily whisper back. 

"who are you talking to, weirdo" her father says with a look of disappointment on his face. 

I say nothing. Suddenly the sound of footsteps slowly walks down the stairs. I look up and see the sparkle of her glamorize heels taking one step at a time, then I see her slim velvet red dress, which is her favourite. She gets down the bottom of the stairs and all I can do is smile as her beautiful face slowly gets closer and closer towards me. her cheeks can't help but sparkle and her eyes are so beautiful they make the light of a gorgeous full moon look like a piece of mouldy bread. 

 "Hi  Adam, are you ready to go?" I nod my head, I'm speechless looking and admiring her beauty. "bye dad, I love you" she says as he kisses his daughter on the cheek.

We get to the Car, I open up her door like a gentlemen. I walk around get I the car a drive off towards the restaurant for dinner. 

"I hope you booked for three?" she randomly asks. 

"why?" I reply in complete confusion "I thought this was meant to be a date?" 

she looks back smiles and begins to laugh. "this is a date, but not with you...me and my boyfriend don't have cars to go on dates so I just used you for the ride... can't believe you thought this was a date". 

My eyes begin to tear up, one starts to slowly run down face, my body goes numb in complete shock, I refuse to look at her 

"yeah I can't believe I did too..."