Young Blood

Chapter Sixteen

I don’t remember waking up. I just remember my feet shuffling out the door, the sky still dark. I didn’t bother checking the time, only looking in front of me to make sure I didn’t stumble.

  I could tell my eyes were bloodshot from crying, but now, no tears fell. I guess it is possible to cry too much. I felt like my eyes were practically going to fall out, the bags under them probably too large to even be considered real. My head was pounding, an echo of Ritchie’s last words bouncing through them. “Good day, Mr. Harrison.”

  It was like all of what had happened between us meant nothing. We had loved each other, truly loved each other’s presence. I had spent hours and hours of my time thinking about him, caring about him, loving him. Hell, I had bought the stupid bloody ring! I planned to marry him! And I guess that meant nothing to him, whatsoever. Our whole relationship had been simply for his own entertainment, his own sexual pleasure. He had used me. Just the thought of it made me sick.

  I wandered the streets, not passing a single human figure through my entire walk. Cars raced past me, their lights temporarily blinding me as I walked. It must have been late, or early for that matter, because what cars I did see were few, and the sky was a shade of dark I’d never seen before.

  As I walked, my head began to spin, my eyes fading in and out of blurry states. Suddenly my head weighed twenty pounds more, and I struggled to keep it up. I felt myself slip and fall, grasping onto a bench beside me for support.

  So this was how I was going to die, wasn’t it? My whole life, wasted. I wouldn’t even be able to go to school tomorrow. It was a Friday, my last day of suffering through Ritchie’s lecturing before a two day weekend break. I guess this was my break now. My final moments, lying on this park bench.

  I gazed up at the night sky above me, although blurry, a wonderful sight. I guessed if these were my last sights, they would definitely do. What few stars remained twinkled among the pitch black, a few trees above me obscuring my view.

  I looked to my left, a few flowers poked through the wood of the bench, and I smiled slightly. Flowers were so lucky. They’d never have to go through the difficulties of life, yet they were still alive. They’d never have to go to school or work, they’d never have to make commitments and then get upset when people change their mind. They’d never have their hearts broken, because they didn’t have any to begin with.

  I turned back to the night sky, sighing heavily. I wish I didn’t have a heart. Then this entire thing with Ritchie would never have happened. Or I wished I was straight, and that I hadn’t fallen for my bloody professor. Of all people to fall in love with, I chose the impossible one. My teacher.

  It had still come as a shock when I realized he liked me. Of course, it was also a shock when I realized I liked him. But it was weirder to know that for once, I had gotten something I wanted. And I guess, that was enough for me.

  Even though I was sad, I was happy that something could have made me that sad. The thought sounded insane inside my head, but at this point, everything I thought was quite mad. The only way I could feel such a sadness is if I had really cared about something before. And I did care about Ritchie, quite a bit. I had loved him.

  And it made me feel alive. It made me feel like a human. I didn’t want to be that stupid flower anymore. I wanted to be me, taking the good with the bad. Sure, it hurt, but it felt good, too. It was such a beautiful sadness, so beautiful that I would be happy dying right then, right there. Because I had experienced it all, at such a young age, heartache and heartbreak.

  But I couldn’t die yet. I wanted to get up and keep living. I simply couldn’t die. I wanted to experience more beautiful sadness, keep on living the exciting life I had grown to love so much over the past few weeks. My experiences with Ritchie had helped me learn so much about life, so much about myself. I needed to keep on moving, no matter how much it hurt.

  I sat up on the bench, my head pounding. I tried to move my legs, but neither one would budge. Oh no, those damn pills. Why had I even taken them? I had wanted to die, truly leave this planet and never come back. But now I had learned from mistakes. By just sitting and thinking it out, I had learned. Unfortunately, I hadn’t learned quickly enough, and now my stupidity was outracing my newly learned vision. I was a cry baby, acting before thinking.

  Oh God! How could I have been so stupid! Now I was actually dying, just as I had learned my lesson. No, God! I wanted to go back, I wanted to live! I’d learned from my mistakes! It was too late, too bloody late..

  I felt my head weigh more again, and I slipped it back down against the bench. A tear rolled from my eye. I was dying, actually leaving. I knew it was coming, which was what made it so mad. Even though a few hours ago I had wanted to die, I didn’t want to now. God, I’ve learned! Give me another chance, please! I want to live!

  But it was too late.. my eyes kept shutting, an overwhelming blackness overtaking my entire site. Even when my eyes were open wide, I could not see. All that was before me was darkness. I felt my body grow numb, and I let it take over me. I closed my eyes, letting the darkness take ahold of me. I was sure I was dying. But then in what felt like a few minutes, the light returned. I was alive, I rejoiced! I opened my eyes.

  But this was not a time for rejoicing. A familiar face shadowed the sun above me. “George?”