As the water follows the moon

2 (English version)

All I ever wanted in my life

Was a house on the ocean...

He did not doubt his choice, but it was the most difficult decision in his life. For so long he has been wandering in the dark and cold searching for a sincere love full of warmth and blessed light that he couldn't make himself leave it at once.

The temptation was very strong. With all his soul and body Teddy wished to stay close to the beautiful, smart and loving woman, marry her and give life to several children and then just live together till the last breath as his parents did. That was the way he always imagined his future.

From the other hand, the Lord had called Teddy long before Catarina's appearance in his life and God's voice sounded louder and more urgently each day. And the harder it was for Teddy to part with his sweetheart, the more he understood that this was just another test of his – the most difficult of all. He had to pass it. Otherwise it would not worth living further.

While a small bus, stumbling and jumping on pits and bumps of a country road, taking Teddy to a tiny French village where his new home was, his thoughts were in the past. It was hard for him to think about the future now...

He recalled himself at eighteen. It seemed at that time because of all the adoration that was pouring on him and raining down from the horn of plenty so that Teddy became a little bit sick with "star disease". If at first he felt embarrassed at the crowds hysterically screaming his name, then he got used to it and began enjoying it. With a proud smile of a prince he was walking through his fans crowd shaking hands selectively and nodding some of them. After that screams became almost deafening.

At the concerts hysteria was boiling and some girls even fainted before the stage. Knowing that he was the reason for all this, for some time Teddy just dropped out of reality. He existed only in the world where everyone worshiped him and he took it with favor.

Remembering those times, Teddy felt burning hostility to the smug guy he used to be. Luckily his "star disease" didn't last long but it had consequences.

Teddy has decided to use the situation and get acquainted more closely with some girl-fans whom he found attractive enough. However it quickly turned out that he wasn't interesting as a human being for any of these wildly enthusiastic girls. They saw only a cute guy from the posters with which they pasted over their bedroom's walls instead of wall-papers. But Teddy wanted a little bit more than just squeezing on the back seat of his car, that is why soon came disappointment. Besides, some fans let him know clearly that they were attracted by the advantages that come together with his star status. Teddy tried to break up with such girls at once, but there were those who didn't want to let him alone. They haunted him, following the band from one town to another, wrote him letters full of pleas and threats and arranged pickets underneath the hotel windows. Teddy was beginning to realize what a big mistake he'd made. He'd never use his fans' love for his personal goals. And then one of the girls he had broken up with, committed suicide and left a letter in which she blamed Teddy in her death. He had never in his life felt so depressed before.

Teddy swore to himself never to have relations with his fans again and what was more he lost his interest in girls for some time. He had his first long and painful depression. His worried older brothers found him a good doctor, but Teddy didn't want to confess that he needed help.

"Star-boy has a nervous break down!", "Teddy Reily goes to a shrink!", "Trouble in the family" – newspapers were overfilled with such head-lines and that didn't help young man's moral health either. Luckily that was the time when brothers and sisters decided to inhabit the yacht named in honor of their mother who had died of cancer. This was a right decision and a happy time...

...Waking up from the noise of the waves splashing over the boat, breathing the salty sea wind, eating sea food – all of this brought Teddy the greatest pleasure. Finally there came a peace to his life and he began writing songs again.

"All I ever wanted in my life was a house on the ocean,"- he had written when he was just fifteen but only then he realized that it was the biggest dream of his. He wanted to stay on the boat among this peaceful blue surface for ever but unfortunately this was impossible. But any way Teddy promised to himself that in the future he would come back to live on the yacht of his own. However this dream was doomed to settle down in the closet where all the other Teddy's cherished dreams have been kept.

Besides, from now whatever Teddy was doing or whatever he was thinking, deep down inside his embarrassed soul there lived the growing feeling of discontent. It seemed to him then before when their family was just doing what they loved the most - giving performances in the streets, they were much more happier than those days when they had big bank accounts and were able to buy not only the most beautiful yacht in Atlantic but the whole fleet. At least he felt happier with no crowds of crazy girls around threatening to cut their veins if Teddy rejected them.

- You still feel sorry for that girl? – the youngest brother Gabriel asked (he couldn't stand his elder brother's extraordinary reticence any more). Gabe and Teddy were always very close. Two years older Teddy always was a role model for Gabe. Gabe could notice the smallest changes in Teddy's behavior and he was very much upset with his depression. With grief Teddy saw how they had moved from each other lately and there was no understanding between them any more. Although Gabe still admired his elder brother. How Teddy missed those times when he, Gabe and their younger sister Martha were so careless and merryful!..

- I was right thinking that these shrinks get their money for nothing! – with scorn to every psychiatrists of the world Gabe included.

- To be honest, I don't know if I still feel sorry at all, - Teddy confessed. – But I can't feel joy as I used to do!

- You're just getting older, - this time the youngest looked like a wise man.

- I can't understand what I lack, - thoughtfully said Teddy pulling his hair. – I got everything – money, fame, love...

- Love? – Gabe looked surprised. – What do you call love? Crazy girls' wild screaming?

- Well, it's a rare luck to meet the love of your whole life during your childhood, - Teddy said peevishly. – I have to be satisfied with that yet...

- Only when you meet your only one, you'll stop feeling discontent, - Gabe declared with confidence. – You just have nobody to share all you got, bro!

- You may be right, - Teddy raised a corner of his mouth. – Now all I need to do is to find that "only one", if she exists...

- Of course she does, you pessimist! – Gabe was full of indignation. – Look, a man needs causes for living and nothing stimulates like love...

- Listen, youngest, where did you come from, so smart? – grumbled Teddy but Gabe only laughed in response.

...Gabe always could make him feel better. Teddy smiled remembering his younger brother, his beautiful wife and two charming kids. Gabe told them that uncle Teddy went abroad and they would not see much of him. Teddy already missed his nephew and niece who looked exactly like their father in this tender age. He really loved these babies and prayed for them every day. And a little – just a little bit – he felt sorry that he would never have such lovely angels in his life...