Silence is Worth a Thousand Words

Half-Answers and Technicalities

“Margaret Parker, please come to the front office,” the loudspeaker on the wall of my English class crackled out. It was years old and not very clear, so at first I wasn’t sure if the receptionist had really called my name or if it was my imagination. Then the speaker came to life again. “Margaret Parker, please come to the front office.” No. This can’t happen again.

Five years ago, when I was ten and Logann was thirteen, the same thing happened. We were called to the office by the loudspeaker, and when we got there our dad was standing there, crying. He explained to us in the car that our mom was gone. Not dead, just gone. She was in our house, completely fine, that morning, but when our dad got back from his shift at work, she wasn’t there. She took her things, and left something for us on the table.

A note, divorce papers, her house keys, and her wedding rings.

The note read:

I’ve found someone new, someone who will make me happier. I’ve signed these papers, and all you need to do is sign on the dotted line. Just sign. I know you won’t be happy with this, but I will be. Don’t explain this completely to the kids until they’re old enough. Don’t try to find me. I never want to see you again.

My dad has beat himself up for that ever since, and he hasn’t gotten over it.

I packed up my things and walked out of the classroom, thirty-nine pairs of eyes boring into the back of my head. When I got to the front office, the receptionist shot me a pitying glance, making my heart beat even faster. “Your brother just called, he’s on his way to pick you up, honey,” she said, as if she was speaking to a five-year-old.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Why is he picking me up? Did--”

“He told me he wanted to tell you himself, dear,” she interrupted me. Again with the weird pet names! God, could she be more annoyingly cheesy? I heard the sound of his truck before it turned the corner. Logann was in the front seat, and there was no one else in the car. I couldn’t see his face--and that’s what worried me the most. I hurried out the doors of the school and pulled open the heavy silver door of my brother’s pickup.

“Logann, what--” This was the second time today I’d been interrupted. Logann’s face was tear-streaked, and I braced myself for what was to come.

“Maggie, he..oh God..he..”

“He what?” I almost screamed at him. I was done with getting half-answers from everyone.

“Dad’s..he..he had a heart attack,” he breathed, almost inaudible. No. We can’t lose him too. This can’t be happening. No. No. No. Tears trickled down my face as I sat in shocked silence. “Mags. Mags, you’re shaking.” I hadn’t noticed. “Are you okay?” Logann’s voice sounded miles away. I clutched the rough green armrest like a lifeline, trying to get control of my thoughts.

“No! I’m not okay! I’m a teenage girl with no mom, and I’m about to lose my dad! I know you’re trying to help, but you’re not doing anything and I just want to be alone right now!” I snapped, the tears running faster now.

“Hey, Maggie, calm down,” he said, grabbing my hand. Sweet Child O’ Mine was playing on the radio. It’s one of my favorite songs, but it was not helping much at the moment.

“No. I won’t calm down, because I don’t understand anything right now! I can’t pretend that I’m okay anymore! Everything is changing, and I just want it to stay the same for once.”

Logann sighed and pressed his foot down on the gas pedal.

The hospital smelled like plastic and rubber. And chemicals. Chemicals that would either save your life or kill you..and you never knew which ones were which. When I was six, I broke my arm on the playground at school. The ambulance came, with its flashing lights and bright colors, and I thought it was all a big adventure. When I got to the hospital, they rushed me into the emergency room while I stared at the pictures on the walls. They showed kids playing with floppy dogs, butterflies swooping through the clouds, sunshine and flowers. I thought that it was so beautiful, and I wished I could go there. I wished that I could create a magical machine that would take me to that place where no one was worried and no one was scared.