On My Own

Will The Truth Set Me Free?

Liam 

Being a senior in high school, a gay boy who is part of the drama club, and a social butterfly, has made me finally realize I can't keep hiding myself anymore.  I'm 17 years old, and never had my first kiss. I'm 17 years old and have been in love with the same person since I was 12, when I realized I was gay.  

Dean was my neighbor, he moved next door to me when were just little boys.  Like 4-5 years old. We instantly became friends. We would have sleepovers all the time, play dates when our parents wanted to hang out together.  His bedroom was right across from mine on the second floor, so when we got older and it was past curfew we would open the windows and talk from there. 

In middle school while he was talking about girls, I was looking at him.  He was perfect. No one else caught my eye. Trust me I tried to look at others but it wasn't working. So I came out to him and just told him I thought I might be gay.  Of course I was nervous, I just told the boy I was crushing on that I was gay, but I never told him who I was crushing on. So since that day he has been my secret crush. He doesn't even know it.  

Everyone was supportive when I came out, which is great, really.  However, every time Dean had a girlfriend it just broke my heart.  

High school came around and he became your typical bad boy.  Not following the rules, he let his grades drop and I know he is smart he was a straight A student in middle school.  He was always with a new girl, until the Bad Girl of the school came, then they started dating. It didn't matter how shattered my heart was.  I still loved him. Everyone could see it, they all knew, he was just blind to it I suppose.  

So here we are senior year a month and a half till graduation.  I had one goal in my mind. I was going to tell Dean how I felt about him, and I knew how to do it.  Being in the Drama Club, I have to participate in the yearly talent show. This was how it was gonna happen if ever.  

Dean

I moved to this small little town when I was little.  Our new neighbors had a little boy who I quickly became friends with.  We were inseparable back then, even now. In middle school he told me he was gay.  When he told me he seemed worried. Honestly it didn't bother me back then at all.  He was my best friend and I was going to support him. He told me he had a secret crush but he couldn't say anything to the person so he couldn't tell me who it was.   

Through the years, girlfriend after girlfriend, he never said anything about a boyfriend, or if he was still crushing on the same person or if he told them.  

At the end of 8th grade and the summer before high school I started noticing him differently.  I notice his smile when we hung out, his laugh that was contagious. I started to feel more for him than this platonic love.  It was becoming stronger. 

The week before our freshman year he was staying over at my house and I had asked if he still had the same crush, and if anything was gonna come out of it.  He said he did and he hope so one day but he wasn't sure. When he said he still had the same crush, my heart hurt. And I changed.  

Going into high school I decided I wanted to be the bad boy, because if I was constantly playing the field with different girls it could keep my heart off of Liam.  So my grades dropped, and the girls were a constant. Then my junior year this girl came in and she was the typical "BadGirl". It was perfect I made her my girlfriend.  My reputation was set in stone.  

While my feelings for Liam never left, I buried them deep inside, he never knew.   It's now our senior year and he has yet to have a boyfriend, and I could slowly see the light in his eyes fade.  He hid it well but I could still see it in those bright blue eyes. We had a little over a month until graduation.  That means the school talent show.