Closeted

CHAPTER 1

I find nothing more annoying than waiting for the elevator to come down so I can finally get on with my life and get to my apartment on the fourth floor. Waiting, is an event that I am seemingly always on the guest list of. Waiting is my constant excuse for not living my dream and not being who I really want to be, it is my comfort food, the reasoning behind the things I choose not to do the wild desires I choose to keep hidden.

I finally reach my apartment and am greeted by the absence of my roommate. I smile as I enter my apartment and lock the door behind me. A flow of excitement ascends upon me as I realize that this is one of those rare moments in life where I am able to hang out with him because it is only behind closed doors that he comes out to play. He is confident, unafraid and giving of everything that he feels that the world is missing. He is like bigfoot some have seen glimpses of him but nothing has ever been confirmed. He is a magician able to create something beautiful out of anything. I hear a knock on the door and I know my roommate just got home so the boy I am hanging out with does his favourite magic trick of all and disappears.

My roommate enters our apartment and I become consumed by the noise emulating from the busy street below our apartment. It feels as if the noise is drowning me I know that sounds dramatic but Im still getting used to this new city Ive just moved to. The city.

The city is captivating. She is a woman of raw beauty during the day but she is unafraid to put on a little make up at night. She and I are alike in that way, both only becoming who we really are under the cover of darkness. I guess it stems from the belief that like the stars whose shine can only be appreciated in darkness, what is seemingly outrageous and outlandish about me can only be appreciated by the dark figures of the night who are just like me.

The sunrises and Cinderella is turned back to an ordinary girl, Im back to being me the societally acceptable me the one whos doing well academically, you know killing it in university (insert eye-roll). The truth is Ive never felt like more of a failure in my life! I guess this stems from the understanding that the character that I am playing and that I introduce to every new person I meet isnt me Its crazy to think that everyone who has ever said they loved me couldnt possibly be telling the truth because none of them really know me. The crazy thing is I dont hate the boy I keep in the closet. There are times where I look into the brown of his eyes and see the possibility of the most beautiful future. There are dark days that I experience where this boy takes my hand looks up at the sun as it sets and says, what is not beautiful about the coming tomorrow these are the moments that make me consider letting him out of the dark closet. Then I stare far into the dark of his pupils and I see glimpses of the darkest future then I slam the closet door. Dont get me wrong the dance I do with this boy my sexuality if were getting technical isnt one of conflict but rather a dance of romance and like any good romance it is made all the more exciting by the danger of being discovered.

Authors note: I hope someone out there enjoys my little story that Im starting to write. I update every week. You may be wondering why you dont know the main characters name yet well its simply because he loves anonymity and the photo of the gun in the beginning of the chapter is a little foreshadowing of this sassy boys personality, his locked and loaded baby. Feel free to comment and send me your thoughts on the book so far.

Xoxo

THAT BOY