Last Summer - South Park [Style]

EIGHTEEN [sleepless]

2019

Sitting in the library, his eyes glued to his French folder, Stan tries to avoid any form of communication. Kyle accepts that but lets out a small sigh from time to time. Stan doesn't know what to do, he's between a rock and a hard place. On one hand there is current Kyle who seems to be interested in him, at least that is what he got from their conversation at the party. And Stan would love to show him that he feels the same. But he can't. Because there's something between him and Kenny. And if that wasn't enough already, there is also future Kyle. Well, two future Kyle's. One of them has a girlfriend. And with the other one he has had sex. And both times they met the chemistry was perfect. Stan can't get closer to present Kyle if he has a thing with future Kyle going on because that would become very confusing very quickly. But he also can't break up with future Kyle because...well...it's Kyle. He can't do that. So the only option he has is to resist present Kyle. All of that may sound pretty insane, after all he is favoring a sort of relationship some time in the future, when he could have an actual relationship in the present. With the boy who he's been in love with for over a year now. But what else is he supposed to do? "Okay listen." Kyle puts his book down and leans forward. He whispers. "I don't get it. What's your problem? Why are you making such a drama out of whatever Kenny and I had in the past?" Stan lets out a big sigh. "I can't...I can't explain it to you." Kyle rolls his eyes. "Maybe I should tell you what happened from my perspective. Would that help?" Stan isn't sure if he really wants to know more. The thought of Kenny...and Kyle...it hurts too much. But he is also curious to know what exactly went on between them. It's like waiting for the doctor to tell you whether you have cancer or not. You want to know, you need to, but you also realize that what you are about to hear will probably be too much for you to handle. "Okay." Kyle blows a curly strand of hair out of his face. His voice is low even though there are no other students around. "Okay. It's 2018. I come to this Christian boarding school, scared shitless because surprise, I'm gay. I have a hard time making friends because I'm scared people could find out. And then there's this boy, he keeps striking conversations with me, asks to hang out and I say yes because I need a friend. So we meet after classes, mostly playing games or just talking, listening to music or playing basketball. And of course I wouldn't be a desperate gay bitch if I didn't start falling for him. And then one afternoon he kisses me. My first kiss. And I can't believe it. One thing led to the other and we ended up having sex. And yes, more than once. We weren't dating or in love, it was just fun and we enjoyed each other's company because we were genuinely good friends. Until one day, a few weeks later, he tells me that we should end it. He never told me why but I was heartbroken. I cried so much. I thought it was my fault. We stopped talking and even though what we had was nothing big and didn't last for long it still took me a while to get over it. And then after the summer break I see him again but what's that? There's a new student. They are apparently friends. But the new one, although he's a bit weird, god, he's sexy. Like next level. And not just that, he seems like a nice guy as well. And boom, I can feel butterflies in my stomach, even though I barely know this guy! And then at the party, we're forced to kiss and yes, it was a bad kiss but I felt something else, something familiar. And I collect all of my inner braveness to ask him if he wants to repeat that but as soon as he finds out that I had something with his friend months ago, he shuts down and stops talking to me." Kyle falls back into his seat and crosses his arms. In that moment Stan wishes he could just come clean with him, tell him about last summer and the fact that Kenny was not his first kiss. And he wants to tell him about the time travelling. But he can't. "Listen Kyle..." Stan takes a deep breath. This is probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. "I really like you. A lot. You can't imagine how much I just want to kiss you right now. But there's some...stuff going on in my life. Things are very confusing and stressing me out. I can't even begin to explain how fucked up things are right now. I can't be with you. I want to, you have to believe me, but right now I can't give you what you need. And this has nothing to do with Kenny. I'm so sorry." Kyle looks down at the table. At first he doesn't say anything. But then his voice sounds teary. "Is this final?" God. If he could just get up, take him into his arms and tell Kyle that everything is going to be okay. "No. Hopefully things will change." Kyle gives him a small nod and then gets up, his face still avoiding Stan's. "I should leave now."

Stan decided to run a bit to let his mind wander to other places but although his body is completely exhausted after two hours, his thoughts still circle like vultures around the same damn topic. Kyle. Back in his room, he meets Kenny who gets up when he enters the room. "You're mental, aren't you?" Stan doesn't reply. He takes off his sweaty shirt to change into something comfortable. "You've been in love with him for how long? Over a year? But now you turn him down? What's wrong with you?" "Did he come cry on your shoulder or what?" Kenny grabs Stan's shoulder and forces him to turn around. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I was in the library." "Ah." Stan pushes his hand away and grabs his jacket. "Stan, he likes you. And you like him. Don't tell me you're ruining this just because I fucked up." Stan turns around and looks into his eyes. Kenny seems tired. And angry. And desperate. "Why did you break up with him?" Kenny looks suprised and turns his head away. His voice goes quiet. "I had to end things because if it went one for any longer I...I would have fallen for him. And I couldn't let that happen."

Stan made a decision. He can't take another dream right now, after what had just happened with Kyle. He'll try to not go to sleep tonight and see what happens. Because so far he has only travelled when he was asleep. Knowing he'd need some company he went to look for Craig. Kenny was not an option. And now they are outside, behind the dorm building, sitting on a small stone wall, the only remains of a now unidentifiable building thst probably had an actual function a few decades before. Craig is smoking a cigarette. "So why do you not want to sleep?" They sit with their backs to the building, looking into the trees. It's dark and cold. Stan pulls his jacket tighter around his body. "I keep having fucked up dreams. I need a break." Craig nods. They sit in silence and Stan appreciates that. Craig doesn't ask annoying question. Craig doesn't force him to explain anything. Craig's just Craig. And Stan is just Stan. His bad dreams are just bad dreams. Nothing more. Nothing less. "So what's he like? Your boyfriend?" Craig seems surprised. "What do you mean?" "I don't know, what's his personality? How long have you guys been together? When did you meet?" Craig raises an eyebrow.  People probably don't ask him these things very often. "He's just a good person. Very empathetic. A bit anxious. We met in middle school." Maybe Stan is just imagining it but suddenly Craig's voice sounds softer. He blows the smoke into the night. "It may sound really corny but I think we are meant for each other. I help him with his anxiety and the bullying and he makes me a better person. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be talking to you right now." Meant for each other. At that sentence Stan's heard cramps together. "That sounds great. You're lucky." "I know." A faint smile curls Craig's lips. "Don't worry. You'll get there as well. I'm sure you have a bright future in front of you." Yeah. Right.