I'm writing this letter 7 years after we broke up. We were asked to write a letter to someone who hurt us in the past or vice versa for our final exam. You weren't my first option to be honest. Hindi ko alam anong nakain or naisip ko bakit ko 'to sinusulat ngayon. Maybe because I'm just too sad today? Too sad, kaya naalala na naman kita. I was so sure na nakalimutan na kita years ago. I swear to God, I am no longer interested sa mga ginagawa mo or kung anong buhay meron ka ngayon. We're not friends on social media kaya hindi ko rin talaga alam kung bakit ilang araw o linggo na kitang napa-panaginipan. LOL do not laugh at me. I know you would laugh at this and would think na I still want you. As far as I know wala na talaga. I no longer stalk you. I no longer cry when I hear news about you from our friends. You know they always test me kung naka move on na talaga ako sayo since di pa nila ako nakitaan ng boyfriend after you.
Well hindi lang naman nila alam pero may mga nagustuhan naman talaga ako after you hindi lang talaga umaabot sa boyfriend at hindi kita kinokonsensya doon ha. Sobrang bata pa natin nung nangyari lahat yun and I also realized na what happened was actually for the best. Back in college lagi kong iniisip na bakit ang daling iwan mo ako. I know ako nakipaghiwalay pero alam ko naman na hinihintay mo nalang din yun. Yung mga naririnig mo from our friends before were true. I always cry when I hear stories about you. Hindi ako maka move on before kasi hindi ko maintindihan bakit nangyari lahat kasi mahal na mahal kita. Hindi mo naman kasalanan na hindi ako nagtira para sa sarili ko kaya ganoon ako ka miserable noon. So I hope you forgive me kasi I always act like I was the only one in misery. Iniisip ko lang yung nararamdaman ko that time. I'm so sorry for being so immature. I'm so sorry for not sacrificing enough to make our relationship work before. I'm so sorry kasi nakakapaogod na akong maging girlfriend before. I sorry as well kasi I'm no longer the trophy girlfriend you had before. But I know naman na your love was true.
As I've said I always dream of you this past few weeks. Lol. In my dreams we're together. You are my boyfriend and I am your girlfriend. It feels so real when I woke up kaya ngayon kinukwestyon ko yung sarili ko kung ano 'to? Baka closure lang kahit na alam kong matagal na akong walang space for you even as a friend. And wag kang ma guilty because it's okay, really.
This will be the the last time I'll reminisce everything. Just let me say everything I want to say baka sakaling matapos na 'to. A year or two after we broke up you were trying to tell me things about me na tingin mo hindi maganda. I will never forget you telling me to be mature na kasi para parin akong bata umasta. Nagalit ako that time lol. Forgive me kasi immature pa talaga ako noon. I was so embarrassed to admit na isip bata parin ako noon lalo na galing sayo mismo. That time I still like you and I'm still hoping na baka balikan mo pa ako kasi nakikipag communicate ka pa sa akin kahit nagka girlfriend ka na after ko.
I want to tell you things na hindi ko nasabi noon. Siguro kung nasabi ko 'to noon baka mas maaga akong naka move on. Baka mas naging maayos ako. Sana maintindihan mo rin na hindi talaga kita basta basta makakalimutan noon kasi bukod sa mahal na mahal kita, alam mo how emotional I am. Galit ako sayo ng matagal kasi pinaasa mo ako. Hindi ko alam kung hindi mo alam or wala ka nalang talagang pakealam kaya di mo narealize na yung mga ginagawa mo even after we broke up was giving me hope. Na akala ko mahal mo parin ako. Na akala ko babalikan mo parin ako. Break na tayo pero tuwing uuwi ka pinupuntahan mo ako? You made me feel like you're still mine. We still do it kapag umuuwi ka. Kapag uuwi ka you were always sweet. Pero kapag babalik kana sa Uni na pinapasukan mo hindi ka na nagpaparamdam. I know kasalanan ko rin naman kasi pumapayag ako kahit alam kong my girlfriend ka na that time. Ayokong maging ganoong babae pero naging ganoon ako kasi hinayaan mo rin ako. Pareho nating kasalanan yung mga naging kasalanan natin. I know my questions will never be answered since I know for sure na you will never read this. Did you do it kasi alam mong mahal pa kita at di ako makakatanggi or that time may nararamdaman ka pa sa akin? Sana nag mature ako kaagad no para naman natanong ko 'to sayo. Sana nasabi ko lahat sayo lahat ng gusto kong sabihin at hinanakit para wala ng sama ng loob sa akin at gumaan na pakiramdam ko. What happened before left a scar to my young heart. Baka rin isa 'to sa mga rason kung bakit hindi ako nagka boyfriend ng maayos after you. Kapag may nakikilala ako na nagugustuhan ko na I always question myself. Seseryosohin kaya ako nito no baka iwan din ako? Am I mature enough to have an boyfriend na. Will he be proud of me despite my physical apprearance. I am no longer the same person you liked and admired years ago. Nga pala the reason why I became like this is because of hormonal imbalance. I just hope na you didn't leave me because I'm struggling to be the perfect girl you want. I really hope not. But as I've said I think what happened was also for the best. I was actually thinking paano kaya kung di tayo naghiwalay. Baka maaga tayong nag asawa. Alam mo namang marupok tayong dalawa. LOL. Kung hindi yun natapos baka maaga akong nabuntis. Magiging maayos kaya ang buhay natin? Magtatagal kaya tayo? O baka maghiwalay din tayo sa mas masakit na paraan at dahilan. I love you so much pero naisip ko hindi pa ako magiging handa para sa mas mahirap na buhay that time. So I still thank God for saving us.
Life has been tough for me. From college up until now. Di ako naka graduate on time kasi napabayaan ko pag-aaral ko. My Mom was so furious that time. I was expecting they would understand kasi wala namang tao na gugustuhin na di maka graduate on time but unfortunately no. Nobody knows this pero I was so stressed that time kasi dumadagdag pa sa iniisip ko na galit family ko because of what happened. I was so stressed na nagkukulong lang ako sa kwarto hindi lumalabas maghapon. I tried working so I can save some money para mapag aral ko sarili ko. To carry the burden I caused. Para mabawasan naman yung galit nila sa akin. I graduated few years after. I was so proud of myself that time. Akala ko everything will be okay when you graduate pero hindi din pala. Mas mahirap ang buhay after college. This year is very hard for me. Andaming nangyari sa buhay ko kaya mas lalo akong hirap.
I saw your post somewhere. I saw you holding your diploma. Di ko alam tapos ka na pala. Alam mo ngayong oras na to medyo nahimasmasan na ako. Medyo nagsisisi na ako na sinusulat ko 'to. But anyway I just want you to know na I'm always proud of you, kahit na never magkaka chance na mabasa mo 'to. You always tell me before what you want to be at heto ka na ngayon konti nalang maaabot mo na. I will always pray to God to give you everything do deserve. I no longer miss you or hope for us to be honest. Baka I dream of you lang kasi gusto ni Lord na maging peaceful na ako. Na next time na magkikita tayo I can smile at you na. I realized na baka nangyari talaga 'to para tumatag ako. Dumating ka para patatagin ako sa buhay. My first love gave me everything I need. Sabi sa nabasa ko "It's called first love dahil dyan ka matututo. Dahil ang unang pag-ibig nagtuturo lang. They are not meant to stay. They are meant only to teach you a lesson you will only appreciate when you get older and wiser". Only JSLs can relate. Charot! Oh ayan nahimasmasan na ako. Friend ko dapat susulatan ko eh kaso eto ako ngayon. I hope we can be friends or kahit be civil lang in the future. I wish you all the best in life. I'm so proud of who you've become. I will always cheer for you. Thank you for loving me waaaay back kahit na I lack qualities na gusto mo. Thank you for making me feel the best feeling a teenager will ever ask. I also appreciate you fighting for us before kahit mahirap, kahit bata pa. Don't think na I still like you ha? Haha, you always assume eh. Sabi nga ulit ni Jonaxx sa book nya "There are things in life you'll never get over. Because if you did, you'll forget the lesson." I'll always root for you. My life may not be okay right now but I know time will come. Soon everything will be in place.
