What's hurting me? Why does it hurt?
Why am I so hurting to hurt?
Oh, it hurts, the pain's so bad
Why does it hurt so bad as this?
Ah, I want to tell you how much it hurts,
I want you to be the only one to know
Oh, it's awful, so very awful
Why does it feel so bad as this?
I want you, it's you I want
The pain's right here in my chest...
Yes, I was the one who did it
Yes, I've wounded myself
It goes away naturally when I leave it be,
But this pain just keeps coming back
When I close my eyes, all I know
Are the things I can't see
It's unreasonable to the extreme
Someone must know my anguish...
Don't come near, don't come here
Don't let it get you so excited
Don't mind, don't pay it any mind
Just stop shouting your head off
Go away, go away, yes,
I'll be gone into thin air soon enough,
So feign normalcy, and put up with...
it.
Oh, it hurts, the pain's so bad
Why does it hurt so bad as this?
Ah, I want to tell you how much it hurts,
I want you to be the only one to know
Oh, it's awful, so very awful
Why does it feel so bad as this?
I want you, it's you I want
The pain's right here in my chest...
Well, it's happened again
I can't pin down the cause
I'm being hit with a big one now;
The pain's a ching, a throbbing, a buzzing...
If I keep quiet no one will ever know
No one but me will have a clue
So I won't shout, I won't cause chaos,
And I'll keep leading an uneventful life...
Yes, that's right, you've got it,
Just put up with it, and it'll clear right up
Just do that, keep it up,
Keep fooling yourself with that
Fly away, fly away, well,
I'll send a sign from my side
Bluffing all the time is so tiring, isn't...
it?
With the brain, one can make even pain into pleasure;
Greedy from boundless possibility, they'll want to do it all;
BUT
Getting into a rut looking back,
Rewinding back through time,
Slow-motion replaying the good parts,
Trying to avoid God -
It can't be done.
Your pain, yes, your pain - what is it that it's hiding?
If it can't be done, if it can't, of course you'll seek help...
right?
Soon, yes, soon enough,
My duty too will be concluded
Because finally, at long last,
I'll be able to liberate you
But, hm, yes, let's see,
Since you'll want to remember at times,
I'll show myself again when you've forgotten
So don't get too full of yourself,
And take just the slightest bit of care...
okay?
It's gone, nowhere,
I can't find it anywhere at all
The pain is all gone now,
No more hardship anymore
You're gone, nowhere,
I can't find you anywhere at all
But the pain should be gone with you,
And the hardship should be gone...!
It still hurts, why does it hurt?
What could be paining me so terribly?
This is just what I was waiting for,
So what about it feels so unfulfilling?
Oh, it hurts, the pain's so bad
What hurts so much this time?
It shouldn't hurt anymore, but...
The awful pain's right here in my chest...
What's hurting me? Why does it hurt?
Why am I so hurting to hurt?
It's a song she had listened to for years, Alli heard things that hurt her so bad from people at school and online with people she thought she could call friends, at school everyday jocks would scream "Dyke!' "Transgender freak!" "Lesbo Slut!". Girls would act like her friend then hurt her in anyway they could think of, she always thought about killing herself but one girl kept her alive and happy, they talked every day in a chatroom and they talked on skype and she always incouraged her to not believe in what others say, yet it was so hard for her to do that. She wasn't very strong, the next day she went to school it got even worse for her she got beat up, that night when she joined the chatroom a new girl was there her screan name was 'Tula', Ali was fighting with her and Tula started saying things people at school were saying "You transgender bitch, no one loves you, just die!, You don't deserve to breath the same air us true-gender people do! Kill yourself!." Alistar told her to stop and her friend skyped her, trying to reach her, She picked up to find her crying her eyes out "Sh my dear, nothing she says is true." She kept crying and screaming "Yes it is!, all of it is true..!" Her friend bit her lip "None of it is true, please calm down. You are beautiful for who you are and if people can't see that then they are blind." She then screamed out "I'm done...Tonight I end the pain.." She ended the skype call, secretly going into her parents bedroom, grabbing her Dad's gun putting it to her head, Alistar ran in to save her a little too late the last things Alistar heard her sister say was " I'm sorry family, I'm sorry friends, I'm sorry everyone, but i'm mostly sorry..."
"Too Leah.."
_____________________________________________________________________________
Once Leah heard the last words she broke apart into tears and screamed, she went to the chat qand yelled at Tula telling her what she had done and when she heard all she did was sit there and type
"Lol".
______________________________________________________________________________
Alistar's Requim.
Well, "love" is what we give, and "love" is what we get,
So I would have to say, we're quite a happy set
Our intuitions off, we love each other still
"Ego," or else, "we go"? Let's be sure to make this clear...
I'm doing this all for you; "I'm doing this all for me"?
Dare say that about our love, and mister, I'll have to do away with you...
Love or self? Still if you choose, I and you have naught to lose;
In the end, we're still just fine to keep on smiling all the time
If this world's a loveless one, and we're to keep living on,
Then where it is that you must be, is anywhere but here with me
So then, I wonder - is your choice all up to this:
Are you choosing with your "egoselfishness"?
"Love" is what so captivates us,
Yet this "love" at times leads to loathing
It's a choice to be made as a pair, but it's one of us who has to die
Both our selves are selfish still, gasping breathless for some air;
"Who do you think you are?"
"Thanks, it was delectable! ♥"
"I'm doing this all for you, I'm doing this all for me..."
Well, "doing it for us both," I'm going to hide my face and cry my eyes out...
"Love and self," this I decide, and so here is my reply:
No one's murder shall be done; instead, us two shall be as one
"I'm doing this all for you", "I'm doing this all for me";
Let us have them be good friends, and hold each other to the end...
"Love and self" - now that we know, I and you are free to go
To smile and laugh, and more than those, we'll also cry, if so we chose
If this world's a loveless one, and we're to keep living on,
There's nowhere for us two to be, not anywhere that I can see
So then, I wonder - does our choice come down to this:
Does our "egoselfishness" make it exist?
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