I lay awake, headphones blasting so loud, ear drums ready to burst. Tear stain cheeks, black stained finger tips from rubbing my running make up. Our last conversation replaying in my head over and over again mocking me, taunting me as if to say ”you lost him forever the one and probably only thing keeping you grounded to this earth and now I feel like I’m going to fly off and drift through the empty void of space. Cold, dark and alone... very alone”. I lay in bed tossing and turning and our last conversation wrecking through my brain through the long, hot sleepless nights. I spend days and days away from school claiming "I’m sick" just so I don’t have to face him or Jessica cause every time I see his face it cripples my heart knowing that I lost the most important thing in my life and I might never get it back.
I spend all day and all night in my room only leaving for the bathroom, I cuddle with the teddy bear he got me for my 14th birthday, crying in to it as I look through my phone at all our previous text messages before any of this happened wishing it didn’t have to happen to us of all people. As I reach the end of our text messages I hear a knock on my door and I get ready to shoo and kick my mother out as the door opens and there standing in the door way the light behind him creating a heavenly glow around him, there standing on the thresh hold of my door. My jaw drops... its James.
I sit there helplessly staring at him not having a clue why he is here; my heart gets paralyzed as I stare at him, a very unreadable expression on his face. I finally regain the courage and I say “W...what are you doing here James?” And he advances on me in my bedroom...
I try to move but my body is frozen as he raises his hands to my fevery red cheeks feeling the familiar safe yet frightening feeling of his strong gentle hands on me in such a way that leaves me breathless. I gulp the lump of nervousness and confusion down as I see his lips and body closing the space between us, I gasp feeling his soft luscious lips on mine, my body and mind can’t help but kiss him back, feel his warm embrace the feeling of our bodies pressed against one another, feeling his fingers entwine in my dark tangled mess of hair drawing me deeper and farther. And I stop and think to myself “Annabelle what are you doing?!?! He cheated on you???" and I gasp regaining my will power and I throw him off pushing him away harshly “James...James! Stop!”.
He sits up and looks at me, I pant leaning back on my hands as I say “James you cheated on me with my best friend I can never forgive you for that and you got her to lie to me about it, like seriously and then you come back and start kissing me thinking I would just forget it all and take you back!!!” My face bright red from anger and my fever. Looks in his eyes appalled with his actions towards me. I say “James I don’t think it was a smart idea for you coming here, it completely wasted our time everyone saw you two together talking and hugging a couple of weeks ago and they all told me and sent pictures of you two kissing in the halls !!!” Looks down with tears in my eyes and I say James I don’t think I could ever forgive you for this I gave you three years of my life that. I didn’t have to but I wanted to cause I thought we were in love!!!
He says but “we ar...” As my anger builds inside of my tiny frame interrupting him not giving him the chance to even explain “DONT LIE TO ME JAMES IM COMPLETELY FET UP WITH THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT LIEING TO MY FACE!” I point to the door “get out .... Now! I’m through with you, to think I spent all these days crying, not sleeping, and not eating and for what?! Nothing! Because that’s what this is nothing and it never will be anything more and it couldn’t possibly be anything less. So leave my house James and never come back and don’t ever speak to me again okay!?!? I hope that gets the message through that thick skull of yours”.
I watch as he leaves not knowing what to do with himself anymore and I sit there and I clench my weary eyes and I grit my teeth together biting back anything I have to say running my fingers through my dark hair the motion of me thinking and regretting for what I did not knowing What to do with myself or life anymore.
