Before You Know It

Chapter 28 - The End

Days went on in a blur. Doctors rushed in the room. Doctors rushed out. Test after test was ran. Ounce after once was drawn.

The days and nights spent in this hospital would have and never could have prepared us for what the doctor came to say.

"After all of the tests we ran on your mother, we found out after a CAT scan that she has a Malignant tumor resting against her brain."

I paused, "What is that?" January asked.

"A malignant tumor is a mass or lump of tissue that may resemble swelling. They often spread to other parts of the body and over ninety percent of patients are untreatable. Most of the time when it is discovered that someone has one, it just becomes a waiting game for everyone involved. Since your mother is also in this coma and has been for a couple of days, her chances of waking up slim everyday."

The doctor, who's name I don't even remember, looked at Jan and I with such deep remorse.

What was his name again?

What is he in here for?

Is that really mom on that bed?

I look over at Jan and she's talking to the doctor. But what are they saying? Why are they blurring together? I don't think that's supposed to happen. Is it? It's really hot in this room, I need a breath of fresh air.

I push out the room and numbly walk to the elevator. The nurses at the desks nod at me because they've seen me everyday for days in a row now.

It's getting hard to breathe.

I can't breathe.

The elevator seems suffocating.

Are the walls closing in?

The door dings and I speed out. Through another set of doors after another after another until I finally reach outside.

My chest is heaving and I take a big breathe of fresh air.

I can't get my breathe under control.

It was so hot in there. The walls were closing in. Or was that just me? Everything was blurry. I couldn't see anyone.

Slowly my eyes refocus on the trees outside. They become more defined instead of blurry. Green. Red. Orange. My eyes catch the birds flying through the sky. Brown. Black. Yellow. The wind blows through my loose strands of hair and tickles my arms. Brown. Carmel.

I take a deep breath and suddenly I feel as if I'm not in a cage anymore. Breath after breath I get my heartbeat under control and my sight fully returns.

Following the walls of the hospital I find a bench to sit on outside.

The trees look even more beautiful from outside instead of in the room. They seem free and wild in the wind. They could blow away any second and yet they're still there everyday.

The birds flapping from tree to tree have the freedom to go wherever they want, and yet they're here, why? What is keeping them to this small town?

What is keeping me to this small town?

It's all I've ever known. It's all I ever will know.

———
Four more days is all it took.

Four.

Kindergarteners can count that high.

She passed in the middle of the night while we were all asleep. It took Jake less than five minutes to be by my side.

Jan is a mess, John is simply trying to hold it together for all of them, but even the boys won't talk. They haven't spoken to anyone since the day it happened.