all the things i cant say out loud.

alone

ever feel alone while surrounded by people? it's one of the worst feelings. i've never felt more alone. i feel like i'm burdening everyone i talk to. i just want everything to stop. just stop. i often think of giving up. taking the easy way out. would people really care? they would have to get over it. would they understand why i did what i did? i should leave all my journals when i go. then maybe they'll understand. or hate me. they might disagree with what i wrote but it's from my perspective, they don't know how i experience things. i want to open up and let someone read them but honestly i don't think anyone cares enough. it's like i would have to force them to be there for me. there's so much i can't say but i want people to know. please read. do you notice my pain? do you see the trauma behind my eyes? i know it may be selfish to ask you to look. i'm sorry. it hasn't gotten better for a while. i have waited. i dont know if i can wait much longer. what i think, the way i feel, it's hard to explain. i don't even understand it myself sometimes. i don't say anything. just existing. existing. trapped. trapped here. i need a sign to stay here or not. if i really wanted to die i would have done it by now right? it's all in my head i'm just being dramatic aren't i? when you find me, dead, will you be over-dramatic? mourn your loss like you cared while i was alive? i guess we will find out. one day.