I'm here

"Well maybe I can't do it anymore," he says while the tears roll down my face.

"Then just leave," I yell.

[5 months earlier]

"Good morning, Freya. How are you this morning?" My doctor, Tina, comes in the room and turns on the damn bright lights. She is always waking me the hell up.

I groan and I roll over on my side, "I was sleeping, but then somebody woke me up."

She laughs and rolls my cart over to my bedside. "Well, you need to take your meds on time."

I sit up in my bed and I smile, "I know I do, but sleep is just so amazing."

"You can sleep after you take your meds," she says while grabbing my container. She hands it to me and I grab my water. I take all 7 of my pills and then I put my water back down on the stand.

"Do you know if Edwin and Luke are up?" I ask her. Edwin and Luke are my best friends here at the hospital. We always spend our time together.

"Not sure," she says, "Kayla checked in on them this morning. Knowing them they probably went back to sleep."

I laugh and I start coughing. After I stop coughing I take a deep breath, "You can go down to see them," she says, "Just take it easy and remember..."

I finish her sentence, "no closer than six feet. I know this. I've been living with it my whole life."

She smiles and then grabs my cart. She wheels it out of my room and shuts the door.

I've been in the hospital practically my entire life. I have CF which is cystic fibrosis. CF damages your lungs and your entire digestive system. My mucus and sweat become very thick and it blocks up tubes and airways. I can't be closer to someone else with CF than six feet. If we come closer than we might swap bacteria which is very harmful to the other person. We stay six feet apart to minimize the chances of getting worse and dying.

Edwin and Luke also have CF. Therefore, I've never been able to hug or even touch my two best friends. We have been best friends since toddlers and it sucks not being able to touch them.

When I was little I was in the hospital every single day because I couldn't handle it as a small child. At around 11 I was able to go home and do everything at my house. I'm now 18 and I'm not doing the best. This is the worst that I've ever felt before. I need new lungs because mine is complete shit. I don't have a match yet though.

My doctors are trying to do medications with me and we are trying new things. A person can't get rid of CF, but they can try to make it less painful. I'm not lying when I say that I'm in lots of pain these days. It's definitely the worst it's ever been.

I hear a knock on my door. "Come in!" I yell.

The door opens up and my best friends walk in. Ansley and Maggie. They have been my best friends for about five years now. They are the only people that can deal with the whole CF stuff. I can be around them and do whatever with them because they don't have CF.

"Hey babes," Maggie says while laying down on my bed. Ansley sits in the chair and starts to eat some of the grapes on the table.

"Hi guys," I say. "Don't you guys have that big history test today?"

"Yes, but we are skipping," Ansley says, "We didn't study and we would rather spend time with you."

I smile, "It doesn't matter when you guys take it, you will fail anyway."

Ansley throws a grape at me, "Rude!"

"So have you talked to Edwin lately?" Ansley asks me.

"Well yes," I say, "He is one of the only people I talk to every day."