Young Darkness

Darkness

I feel the darkness taking hold
And when I talk about our fucked up society I feel old,
But I can't be young without being a hypocrite,
And I don't want to feel old, I didn't ask for it.
But as I worry about these I feel it creeping closer now it's over my shoulder and I can feel its breath,
Every day it gets closer till the point it is me, and I am it
But I dont want to apart of this monster that comes in the night to remind of what I dont life to be like,
And it gets harder to breathe sometimes, I'm suffocating, drowning all I can do is wait, as it swallows me whole.
But I've become a better person because of that monster, because I don't ever want people to suffer this fate worse than death. Now I'm here looking at these screens wonder why I find joy in these things,
Maybe it's because the people that I watch can be the parents that I never had,
Or maybe I just want to escape to a land where I'm more in control of how I feel and what I do,
Everything I can or can't do is determined by the walls of the maker, but what's the difference between ours and theirs then?
Maybe I enjoy these things, because they are one of the few parts of life, that remain untouched by the darkness seeping from me, all we ever want is control, but what's the point of playing the game if you have had everything it has to offer? What's the point of living life, if you have control, what's the point? Where's the challenge to make it excited, interesting, and make life worth living,
But these thoughts in my head say "why, why the fuck would you want to live?" "Dont you see people they're disgusting, complaining about everything, arguing about nothing, they can't rise themselves up because they let others sink to the bottom." "They've hurt you, but why feel any more pain than your last? Why live? there's nothing more to hold onto." "Why are you still here? Because you think you have worth? Ha, theres nothing special about you everything you've ever done is average or below, everything you still do, has no point, why are you even here any more?" And I look at them and say "I am in pain I don't like my life, the pain is comforting, but I dont want them to feel mine, so I keep it locked away here inside my mind, you dont have to like me, and you're right I've never done anything amazingly, but I'm still me and I'm still here and that's good enough for me." To me the fact that I'm still here, is amazing. But if it weren't for you I would have left a long time ago, maybe you dont feel what I feel, but I feel how I feel, and there is next to nothing that can change that.