If I don't want to - S.M.

3 | Another Chance

Ariel

THIS IS THE DAY.

Yes, this is the day. I have been waiting for three years, three years to make myself visible to Shawn.

It sucks to see him all sad and hurt because of me. Moreover, I can't do anything about that. I can't bring myself back alive. I can't hug him. I can't even comfort him with my words.

So, there I was, sitting beside him crying along whenever he cried, without him knowing that I was there. Saying over and over again that it's gonna be okay to his ears even though he couldn't listen. Hugging him even though his body passes through my shadow every time I try to touch his soft skin.

Trust me, being a ghost is sucks.

I died at 7.42 PM, so I still have to wait for about four and a half hour to finally show up in front of him. And I'm nervous.

I don't know how would he react when he sees me, as a ghost. He might scream GHOOOSSTTTT as loud as he can, well, with his beautiful voice, the scream will still sound a song to my ear though. He might be shocked, run out of breath and then pass out on the floor with his soft messy curls covering his pale skin. Or maybe he will have a heart attack and pass away on the floor. Or he will run away as fast as he can, and slip his steps on the stairs and die.

No, this is starting to sound weird. I need to stop. He's not me and he's not dead. But, if he dies, he might be here with me and we can get married, as a ghost. Cute ghost couple.

NO, that's not gonna happen. Remember my one and only objective-why I want to show up in front of him once again, after this long-journey-being-a-ghost- to help him find new love. New love. Yeah, new love, I didn't say it wrong.

I know he loves me so much. And I love him so much too, don't get me wrong. Who doesn't want to have his boyfriend, wrapped around her finger, even after three years of death? No one would be happy to see his love of life move on to another person. No one.

But, trust me. It's also hurt to see your man crying over your death when you-once again-cannot do anything about that. It's hurt to see him not being able to feel happiness anymore, to see him not being able to feel love. As painful as what he experiences when he misses me who can't ever come back. it breaks my heart too.

I hate to let him go. Just like the time I met him for the last time when I'm going to part my soul with my body that didn't have the strength anymore to fight the illness. I hate it. So much. So much that I can't express it in words. Or even the amount of screams and tears I let out wouldn't suffice to describe.

But, just like the sayings say, sometimes if you really love someone, you need to let him go for the sake of his happiness.

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Are you excited to see how Shawn will respond to thiss??

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