Rising

Chapter 1: Relapse

R I S I N G

Love is deemed falling due to its euphoric highs and abyssal lows that feel like an infinite rollercoaster ride. Most are thrill chasers, infatuated with the notion that the highs last, but as the saying goes, what goes up must come back down. Why ride the unpredictable highs of love if you're only doomed to plummet back to square one, alone. Have you ever thought about it, why love isn't called rising?

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B E V E R L Y F A R B E R

Feelings are addictive.

The brain produces chemical reactions in response to certain emotions, similar to those experienced when taking part in other addictive behaviors or substances.

To put it plainly, yes, you can be addicted to love.

Believe me. Speaking from personal experience, I would know. And I've come to the conclusion that it is in fact the feeling of love that I'm addicted to and not the person from which the feeling originated. Because why would I be addicted to him? He used me for whatever gain he was seeking and then wrote me off.

I probably sound like one of those naive and heartbroken little girls that didn't see all of the clear red flags. I mean, that's what I would think if I saw anyone else in my situation, yet surprisingly it's not the case.

Some would say I'm the most intelligent person they know. I was always the one with my priorities in order. Always the one with some goal to reach, something to strive for.

I've always been the one who was so caught up in trying to be an adult that they didn't even know what a normal childhood was supposed to be like. Always so caught up in studying for the next test, chasing the next dream, that when the first attractive guy who really took an interest in her asked her on a date, she let him drag her into a committed relationship.

But I had no reason to stay away from Jordan.

Jordan Hallsworth was just like me. He comes from a line of wealthy businessmen, placing us in the same social circle. We had grown up in the same private school classrooms and played on the same swingsets. I had never really paid much attention to him in my youth but he was always easy on the eyes. And he was never easy for the girls. He is picky, something else I have in common with him, so when he expressed genuine interest in me I thought I had found the responsible guy I would settle down with. And the relationship was more than great. He was caring, a gentleman, and always looking for ways to please me. He never gave me one reason to doubt him.

So when I caught him in the throes with another woman one year into our relationship, to say shock is what I felt is an understatement. And then, as I had to pick my heart up off the floor, I realized it was too late to take it all back. I could never take back those long months I spent loving him. He got me hooked on a feeling that I couldn't escape.

So I'm not a naive little girl. It's not my character. I'm a hardworking woman who deserves more than what any man can give her. At least that's what I've told myself every day for the past three months of my healing, maybe to cover the deeply buried scars on my heart, but it works.

Succinctly, I've learned a lot about love, and as I said, feelings are addictive. Especially the ones that can leave you the most broken. Those are the feelings you can't run away from. But you can try. And try I am.

I've had a taste of the drug of love and I make it my mission every day not to relapse. So why I agreed to let Amber drag me into this steaming pit of hormones filled with horny, drunk boys and cozied up couples is beyond me.