FINDING FAITH

FINDING FAITH PROLOGUE

PROLOGUE

IF there was something, anything to compare my life to, it would be a piece of paper; plain, white and boring with fine lines drawn here and there. Or at least, that's how I would describe it. I was never one for descriptions, because I always felt that they weren't good enough.

Growing up I was naive. I was blinded. I was so completely and foolishly stupid. I was a child who thought that life was some big game, just a fairytale. I was spoiled and received everything I wanted, which was my parent's first mistake.
I was treated like a princess. I was their little princess and they would do everything and anything in their power to ensure that my life was lived with purpose and to the fullest, to make sure I was happy.

But there were some things that they couldn't protect me from. One of the hardest struggles in my life was unintentionally inflicted by them.
As I grew older, my metabolism became slower; regardless, I ate and ate and ate. I was a robot, a machine set on a repeated cycle that completed the same thing over and over and over. I unconsciously ate more than what was needed for my body to survive. I was never interested in sports or athletics, so naturally my body became bigger and bigger. With every bite that I took, chewed, and swallowed a pound was added on, and before long I was around ninety to one hundred pounds by grade one. It was a nightmare. My parents were concerned for my health, because it wasn't safe for a first grader to weigh a hundred pounds or more.

And then the bullying started. I wasn't ugly, I wasn't gorgeous, I was average as a child. But I wasn't skinny like everyone else, and at the school that I was put into by the time I went into kindergarten, every child searched one another for some kind of flaw, and if one was found then they would pounce like lions going in for the kill. So naturally, because I was heavier I was neglected and didn't have many friends growing up.

When I did finally find a friend, I was in grade five. It started like simple friendships do; the first encounter, the introduction, and then playing together. And that's how it was, for a while, but of course it soon had to fail just like past relationships.

I was distraught. I just wanted a simple friend, someone to pick me up when I'm down and to always be there for me; was that too much to ask?!

It was at that point in my life that I realized; no one wanted to be friends with a fat girl. Or at least, me. So I picked myself up, brushed the dust off and went on with my life. And it did go on. Eventually I did find some friends. I wouldn't call them best friends, but they were friends, and for that I was content.

But the fact that I was still overweight pressed down upon my shoulders, and the larger that I became the greater the weight seemed to build, pressing ever harder down upon me. I didn't realize that until now, looking back on it.

It never really dawned on me how big I was until I hit middle school. Around grade eight, I would go with my 'friends' to the pool during summer vacation. The year before while I grew taller, they all stayed the same, with short, stick-thin bodies. So they naturally pranced around the pool every summer in showiest, hottest bikini, while I sat alone watching them in a ratty, one piece bathing suit. It was torture. I had never been so humiliated. I was envious, tinging green around the edges just watching them.

It was also that year that I decided to step onto a scale for the first time. And I wanted to throw it of a the window once I saw the evil blue numbers glaring back at me from under my naked toes.

It was around this time that I, a girl over two-hundred pounds, decided that it was time to make a change in my life.

This is my story of finding faith in myself, and the hope that my life would soon change for the better.

One challenging pound at a time.