How You Get the Girl

Every Teen Movie Needs a Makeover

That day at school was torture. I both dreaded third period and could not wait for it. What would happened when I saw Ben? I got there first, sat at our usual desk and waited. When Ben walked in he sat down next to me and opened his computer.

"Ben, can we talk?" I asked.

He ignored my comment. "You should start with the loading bay animation. I'll work on the firefight," he told me, refusing to engage.

I could not believe it. Was he just going to ice me out? Act as if we were just project partners? "Can I please explain?" I asked.

"I think you said enough," he looked at me, his eyes very dark. "Let's just work on the project."

I sat there, stunned. He did not want to talk. He was not going to let me apologize. He was not going to forgive me. It was over. We were over. We had really broken up. I finally opened my computer and tried to work on the project but I could not focus. Tears started to fill my eyes. After a minute I got up and left the room. I went into the bathroom and leaned against the wall, wrapping my arms around myself as tears streamed down my face. I was not sure how long I stood there crying when I heard the door open and realized that Kenzie had walked in.

"Harper, what happened?" she asked.

"Ben and I broke up."

"What?" she gasped.

"We had a fight this morning. It's over."

"Go talk to him. I'm sure whatever it is you can fix it."

"He won't talk to me. He doesn't want to fix it. I said some really awful things to him. He's angrier then I've ever seen him. I don't think he'll ever forgive me Kenzie."

She put her arms around me. "Harper, I'm sorry." She did not try to reassure me that he would get over it and I remembered when she told me that Ben was usually forgiving but if he did get truly mad, he did not forgive easily or quickly or maybe ever. I had clearly hurt him. I had said terrible things. He was never going to forgive me.

I finally managed to pull myself together enough to splash water on my face and go back to class. I'm sure everyone knew I had been crying but I just did not care. Ben never even looked at me when I came back into the room. I went through my day like a zombie.

I had quietly started sitting at a new lunch table with Beth, Maria, and Frida the day after I had overheard Margaret call me a slut in the Libray. Ben had asked why I had changed tables and I had just said I missed my friends. He had just shrugged and sat with us. Now, Ben went back to his old lunch table. Margaret looked delighted with the change. I was sure the school would soon be buzzing with the news of our break up.

The rest of the week dragged on. Ben and I only spoke in computer class and then only talked about the game. It was almost finished. Once it was done there was no reason for us to ever talk to each other again. I was not sure if that was going to be a relief or be even more heartbreaking. Maybe both.

Beth tried to get me to do things with her but I did not feel like it. I just went home after school every day. I could not even paint. I was numb. I cried myself out on Monday. After that, I just felt like I was moving through a fog. I went to my classes. I did my school work but I could not focus. All week, I found myself suddenly coming back into conversations that I had missed half of all with my friends staring at me in concern.

The week finally dragged to a close. I turned down Beth, and Frida's offers to do something over the weekend. I planned to hide in my room. I spent Saturday eating ice cream and watching Harry Potter movies, but only the early ones before Harry, Ron and Hermione began to date anyone. I was deep in wallowing.

On Sunday morning I woke up and realized I needed to make major changes in my life. I was done trying to be nice little Harper who tried to make everyone else happy. Where had it gotten me? Almost eighteen years of constantly trying to be the perfect daughter, friend, student and it had gotten me nowhere. Most of the school thought I was a slut, the teachers thought I was a delinquent, my parents still did not trust me even though I had never done anything wrong, and all because I had allowed myself to be pigeon-holed as a popular kid. Well, I had already ditched my bitchy fake friends. Now I just needed to fix the rest of my life or as much of it as I could. I could not fix what had happened with Ben. And I knew why. I had spent so much time hiding who I really was I could not believe that Ben actually liked the real me. He was the first guy I had ever let see my art or know that I was a secret Harry Potter fangirl. I was so worried he couldn't really like me that I had ruined everything. I had been jealous and insecure and listened when Clare, Beth, and Margaret had said things, things I should have known weren't true. Well, I may have ruined things with Ben but I could change the rest of my life. I was starting over and everyone could just suck it if they did not like who I was.

. . .

I walked into school the next day prepared for there to be a reaction. I just had not expected it to be so big. A few people literally did double-takes. Reactions seemed to be split between people who told me I looked great and those who seemed to be whispering "OMG! I can't believe she looks like that!"

Kenzie stopped me in the hallway on the way to first period. "You're hair! It looks amazing and I absolutely love your outfit." At least I could count on Kenzie. Making friends with her was one of the best things to happen this year.

"Thanks," I said. My hand going to my hair involuntarily. Beth had helped me put blue streaks in it yesterday. When my parents had seen they had freaked out but they would have to deal with it, I had no intention of going back to plain blond any time soon. I was thinking of adding a stud in my nose once I turned 18. That would probably make them go ballistic.

I was brought back to the present when Kenzie asked, "Has Ben seen you?"

"No," I told her. I looked down at my black Doc Martens. No more Hunter boots, J Crew or Tory Burch. I was wearing a boho dress in a blue pattern, it was about as far from preppy as I could go. "But I don't think he'll care Kenzie. He's barely speaking to me." And, anyway, Ben had started dating preppy popular Harper. The odds of him liking how I looked now were not that great.

"He'll get over your fight. It might just take him a while," Kenzie said.

"Kenzie, you weren't there. You don't know what I said. He's not going to forgive me," I told her.

"Well, I'm not choosing sides. I'm still your friend," Kenzie declared.

"Thanks, that means a lot to me."

"Please, like it was a tough choice. He won't talk about Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings with me."

. . .

I was late to block 3. My Social Studies teacher had held me back to let me know she loved my new hair and look. While I appreciated the support, I was wanted to get seeing Ben over with. I knew we had broken up, but I could not help myself. I wanted to see what his reaction would be.

I walked into class two minutes late with a note from my teacher. I knew every eye was on me. Every eye in every class had been on me all day. I had just done the opposite of the teen movie makeover. I had gone from the pretty popular girl to an artsy nerd girl. Who wouldn't stare? If only I needed glasses, my new image would be complete. I could not look at Ben. I just walked to Ms. Alverez and gave her my note. Then I went and sat down at a table across the room from Ben.

I took out my computer and opened it. I still had not looked at him. Finally, I could not stand it anymore, I looked up. He was staring at me. I dropped my eyes back to my computer screen and tried to get to work but whenever I looked up Ben was still looking at me. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? He had been ignoring me for a week. The sudden attention was really unnerving. I thought about going over and trying to talk to him at the end of class but really what was the point? He had made it very clear that he had nothing he wanted to say to me. I did not think I could handle having him tell me to leave him alone one more time, so I just went to my next class without trying to talk to him. It was going to be a long day without spending any more of my time obsessing about Ben Ryan.    I was trying to limit my obsessing about him to less than twelve hours a day.