Endless

1 Hour Before

1 HOUR BEFORE

We stand at the departure gate and my heart feels like it is going to break. I can't breathe properly and i just want to cry. I know he is coming back, he has said it over and over again. He has promised me over and over again. Just breathe Liv, it's going to be okay.
He said he loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.

He looks me straight in the eyes and brings his hands up to my cheeks. He rests his forehead on mine. "I love you," he whispers. "I am coming back, please don't forget that."
I nod, knowing my voice will fail me if i ever try and speak. He kisses me softly, and the tears just fall from my eyes. I let go of Noah's hand and grab ahold of Elliot, anywhere that i can. I pull him closer to me somehow hoping, we can become one and he can stay. I kiss him like there is no tomorrow, as if my whole world is going to end in the next 60 minutes. I kiss him like he is my lifeline and the only thing keeping my heart beating.
He leans back and breathes before chuckling softly, "This is not goodbye Liv, don't kiss me like it's for the last time." He shakes his head as i burying my face in the crook of his neck, "Cause it's not babe."

I remove my hands from around him and take a step backwards, clenching my fists. I watch as he bends down to engulf Noah in his arms. Noah has loved having him around all the time. He told me once, when it was just me and him curled up in my bed, that he felt like he had a daddy like the other kids in preschool and that it was pretty cool. It had warmed my heart, especially when Elliot told me he felt like he was his own son.

Elliot stands up straight with Noah's little arms wrapped around his neck so tightly. I smile softly at him, biting my lip hard to stop myself from crying.

He loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.
I repeat over and over again trying my hardest to convince myself its true.

*        *        *

I walk back into the apartment 2 hours later having sorted the last little things out. I stand in the doorway and just stare at the spotless apartment. I have a few last phone calls to make before I leave. I move towards the couch where my pillow still sits and i place it ontop of the bags at the door. I just look around the apartment knowing i am going to miss it like crazy. I close the door behind me trying to trap all of the happy memories, my only happy memories, in the room with me. To allow them to seep in my soul and light my heart from the inside out.